When You’re Forcing Love To Stay Alive, It Isn’t Love Anymore.

When You’re Forcing Love To Stay Alive, It Isn’t Love Anymore.


Sometimes love is ugly, challenging, frustrating, painful – even in the happiest and strongest of relationships. Love takes work. It takes effort. Love is not always light and pretty. It takes the ability to admit when you’re wrong. It takes dedication, it takes loyalty.
But there is a difference between fighting for something that you know is too good to let go of, and clinging on to something that has already died.
Often, deep down, we already know when it’s not love anymore. What it is is familiarity, routine, insurance. It’s something we’ve gotten used to. It’s a security blanket. It’s the guarantee that we aren’t alone. Sometimes the death of love is easier to sense, if we’re with someone who directly makes us incredibly unhappy. And sometimes it’s harder to admit to ourselves, because we’re with someone whom we care about deeply, even if we’re no longer in love with them. But no matter the specific circumstances, we try to convince ourselves that the love is still there, because we’re not ready for the alternative.
And so we grasp onto it, no matter how much our gut resists, because we’d rather cling to something that is dead than willingly step into a world where we are hurt and alone.
It’s not a fault really, not a flaw. Just human nature. It is in our bones to want to be with other people. To feel instantly comforted from the touch or the assurance of another human being. To feel actual, physical pain when we stretch out in bed and are once again reminded that there is no longer a warm body in the place next to us.
But we must remember that there is a difference between forcing love and fighting for it. Forcing love – forcing yourself to feel something – is not love at all. It’s a manufactured emotion your body has created as a coping mechanism, a survival instinct. Forcing love means it’s already dead. And when you spend all your time forcing yourself to love someone, you miss the opportunity to fight for the person who really sets your soul on fire. The choice isn’t easy, but at least it’s yours.

Written by Kim Quindlen

This article was originally published in thoughtcatalog.com

Facebook page: https://www.facebook.com/kimberlyquindlen

Related Articles


  1. This is so true..this is how my marriage took many twists and turns of admitting it was over..not letting go.. insecurities..this reminds me so much of the love in my life..trusting now is a new beginning in my life..I know I can trust again but time heals everything or maybe I should say most everything..but not maybe all.im not wanting a relationship not yet.i have endured many different feelings in the marriage I left behind..sharing my thoughts.felt like reliving my past.for I’ve moved on..

  2. forcing yourself to feel something – is not love at all. Ha!!!!

    i know this very well. But then years ago he left no option for me.
    He left me mercilessly not willing to trust or hear anything from me. He declared that he NEVER loved me and did EVERYTHING possible to get me married away to someone else, making my own family believe I was in fantasy.

    I had no option but to force myself to live a life feeling something i cant feel in reality.

    It was a test which eventually i was made to fail. Here also i was not given an option to play my part at all…. Before i realise anything i stood fooled…

    Which side should i stay on now ? The former now realises his love but questions me why i am back… to take revenge… to have pleasure… and….His words kill me….

    Rules say i need to stay where i was sent to. But there is no truth there… no reality, no humanity no values at all…

    How many a words from every mouth around… you need sex, cant live without it? you need children whats there if you dont have ? you are now not young to move out… you are too bold … you are not good enough to impress your husband… you should have stopped him otherwise which man leaves a girl like this?… you are still thinking of your past thats y you dint realise the games played on you, you are wrothless thats y your past left and now this man… you are … you are… endless.

    But thanks to all… yes i got the feedback. Now please leave me alone. STOP chasing me or commenting me. I dont need men and i am not against any rules.

    I just believe that rules need to be followed with spirit of it. Not namesake.

Leave a Reply

This site uses Akismet to reduce spam. Learn how your comment data is processed.

Back to top button
%d bloggers like this: