You will never ever find me.

One day, many years from now when you realize what you’ve lost – you will search for me. 
Perhaps you’ll email me but there’ll be no reply; or maybe you’ll call my number but it will have changed…. And when you give up trying to find me physically, you’ll search for me emotionally. 
You’ll try to find someone else who will love you like I did or make you laugh as much as I used to … but you’ll soon realize there’s nobody else quite like me… I was unique… I was the one for you – and you lost me. And you will try so desperately to find traces of me in every soul you meet for the rest of your days ….but you will never ever find me.
Ranata Suzuki

Related Articles


  1. This post hits me for six and I wonder how long it will take me to log out of here. Do not misunderstand me, I appreciate your advice very much and I like being with you, but I always feel very personally affected by these posts. I do not believe in coincidences and even though I have a lively imagination I do not hope that I already have paranoia.
    To this post: I do not read it for the first time, like so many others. May be it is all just a memory? You have already finished with me? We had phonecalls and wanted to have other calls again but you have changed the number. I wrote, emailed and contacted you, but you never answered. And of course, you are right, I’ll never forget you. Does that give you a satisfaction? I wonder what I did, that you punished me like that. I am not introverted like you all here. I’ve always been a person who sang along with songs just for joy, not because I thought about the lyrics or emotions. I could never understand poetry before, because I have never felt such pain, which is expressed there. I begin to understand what it means to read between the lines. But it takes me a lot of energy and I fail a lot, because I have language barriers, and no background knowledge. I am tired and feel like a drowning rat in the water. Someone throwing a piece of wood at regular intervals towards me, that I can rest a bit and gain hope. I do not understand what it’s about. Yes I love you. Your soul, your thoughts but also your body. I need all of you. I do not believe that with your soul and your heart alone I can find joy in real life, not as long as you live. I ask you to take the courage to show me as a person if you love me and iff we have a chance to be a loving couple, or if this chance is over or was never there. You know that I love you ( your soul, your thoughts and your body) but I do not know why you are hiding. There is no looking back for me. What happened happened, and I will accept everything as it is. No matter what motives there were in the past, for me there is no revenge. There is joy, sadness, giving love and taking love. And if you leave me there will be a long time of healing and forgetting.

    1. Yes i know you love me dearly and you would do anything even to the extent hit someone if required for me. But i dont deserve you. PLEASE understand that in the right spirit. I fear out of love for you i am taking a wrong move which will have consequences on our future, then ? . I take five steps but when i hear remarks on me thinking like that, i feel they are all right. May be i am doing all this for pleasure and selfishness ? cant i live with what is awarded to me? Why not ?

      I have no regrets or revenge too on anyone i promise. Otherwise by now i would have shown them their way. I still live smiling with those souls who hurt me even today being around me… I dont want you to show them faces as well. I am not a person who appreciates that… I intend to soon walk away leaving them undisturbed one day they ll understand and thats the best punishment to give anyone.

      But it feels too late. I think we are not in a society which will let me grow any further. I have the same place for you anyday no less. I have just lost the right to love you. Which is what i regret… Being unfit… to come back…

      1. Sad comment comenter i…yet relieving…you seem to have a clean and a conscientious heart…great

    2. sad love story commemter heartbreaking….

      Hmmm…indeed long time of healing….pray for early recovery….pray for another soul to lift you up…and be with you as you journey life…

      In our case, we will never find each other..a decision and a choice.

    3. so touching comments commenter m…you are greatly in love with that person…..

      hmmm….wish you both nice ending….not necessarily happy but nice one- with a proper closure…..hurts may be there but at least, lessen…

  2. ARLENE I always cherish your words and they make me sad. Anger I feel only for my inability to understand and to express myself in words. How must it be in your eyes to find each other, ARLENE? It’s up to me to do something, do you think? My comment was just meant to show what I feel, not to sue. But then you see again how I live from misunderstandings. And no, certainly I will not pray for other soul. I have never looked for a soul in my life. Funnily, my soul was always very happy alone, unlike my body. This soul I love now, has come into my life by falling in love with its body. It was destiny.

  3. I hope one day she realizes what and who I was. I hope she never finds the “next right one” and one day realizes that I was the right one”. I was the one that would have treated her like a Queen, would have cherished her, would not have cheated on her and run her into bankruptcy. I was the one who wanted to love her for all eternity. Kristin, you have already had two divorces, maybe you don’t know what a good man looks like, well he looks like me. You used me and then rejected me when I finally was able to ask you out, you did not wait for me to deal with surgery and my mother dying. You are a sorry person. You kept flirting with me and misleading me after you started dating with no regards for my feelings. When you lied to me and told me you would go out with me and then waited three weeks to tell me you were seeing someone else you did not have enough morals or feelings for me after a year to tell me anything good about myself to help me get over the rejection. You chose to end our friendship with the way you chose to deal with me at the end. I will never talk to you again because I deserve better than someone who lied to me and used me; someone who did not feel like she owed me anything to make me feel better about myself. You had no understanding of what chronic pain and the grief of losing a mother affects me and exacerbates other emotional and physical pains. You ruined me.
    One day I hope you will be at hockey and wish I would come through the lobby so you could talk to me. I hope one day you wish I would talk to you after a game and compliment you on the music you played or knew the songs or bands that were new that week. Nobody else does that but me, and I hope one day you miss it. I hope one day somebody comments to you about how they have not seen me; I hope you feel bad knowing it is your fault. You have been divorced twice so you have been hurt; I know that, but I hope everybody you date for the rest of time hurts you. Maybe then you will realize how nice I was. Maybe one day you will need a smile or a kind word and remember me; but I will never be there for you again. I sincerely pray that our paths never cross again, to prevent myself from cussing you out, I would rather you remember me as the nice guy I am.
    I do hope one day you will wonder if I was the one you should have given a chance to; that you will remember how you flirted with me for a year while you recovered from your divorce and how I was patient and gave you time to recover. I did not push you; I hope you remember I had surgery and could not drive or get dressed in a way to take a beautiful girl out; I hope you remember my mother died and I was grieving and that you did not give me time to recover before you moved on to somebody else; but that you still flirted with me and that you did not have the common decency to tell me no when you should have. I still wonder if you told your boyfriend you told somebody else yes when they asked you out, and that you gave me your e-mail and phone number. I bet not. Did you tell him how you stared at me and could barely talk to me when you needed to ask me if my nephew would play for your sons team? I bet not. You mislead me on purpose or you had feelings for me; either way you should not have acted that way while you had a boyfriend. Very disrespectful.
    I hope you miss me, one day you will I am sure of it. Then understand what you gave up, even though you are a narcissist and you probably will never understand you did anything wrong. I just hope you suffer one day when somebody asks you why I am not at hockey or asks why they don’t see us together anymore.

    1. Same is my feelings. Hope one day he realises how i felt being forced to marry another man because of him.

      When he left me for no reason, but with blames and mocking me comparing to literary stories…

      I still waited silently even after the sudden loss of my dear dad, but as if even waiting for him were a burden he did everything for pushing me away,

      He never even met me to ask how i was after all tat happened. Was it supposed to be his true love?

      And he approached my family asking a girl from his community so his sister is happy. And said i m not the kind hes looking for, any poor girl would do but not me.

      Life is strange to me.. now he back n says i m the only one of his kind.

    2. To my unfortunate love:
      You never treated me a queen but worser than a humanbeing… you never trusted me but only insulted my love everytime i explained myself. Yes i was emotional so what. I am wat you see.i talk my heart out but dont play games.
      You rejected me many times dint you? You expected me to behave normal after these?
      I have never given any false hope to anyone. Yes my feelings for you is true 10 years ago or now. May i ask how to change my heart based on situations? I cant lie…thays my problem.

      You knew i love you but wanted me to get away. Was that correct? But i dont understand why you need me now after exploring all possibility till date?
      And if i dont need anyone its my feeling nothing with anyone or past. I m.good alone…i want to fullstop here…

    3. oh not good commenter packfan32…bad for Kristin..indeed a loss on her part to have played on an honest person like you….

      nevertheless, move on….we believe you are still in your right mind to take control of everything that happened in your path….you can do it…

  4. The only regret i have is having pulled you in my life again. Hope i had controlled my emotions and never thought of looking for you at any times. How did i think a cheater could talk for me?

  5. Thanks to your lovely words
    My english language not very good but l
    Try to undrestand. This is make me confides
    Dont leave me please i love you and need you.

    Regards soheila

  6. My name is Dan I think the whole riddle here is about you and I and something else My numbers 859-3242173 maybe we can grab a beer and get to know one another you sound like an all right fella

  7. Please don’t have to post a comment but I do want to meet the gentleman so we can compare scars And I can apologize for the words that I said

  8. Currently I’m sure I was the boyfriend in yall of this and man want you to know nothing about you. Well until the late night phone call started happening hiding of the phone the look of lie in her eyes. You sound like she did the same thing to you that she did to me. It’s like she enjoys causing me pain anyhow I left my email with the lessons learned in life people not put it down wrong I’m sending it back again hopefully they can get a hold of you I wouldn’t mind at least to speak and with you on the phone maybe we can compare scars and get a beer. I have a pretty good idea who you are but it’s between three different men so I’m intrigued to find out who you are . My words are gentleman words I have no ill feelings toward you
    Thank you in advance

Leave a Reply

This site uses Akismet to reduce spam. Learn how your comment data is processed.

Back to top button
%d bloggers like this: