When I chose to let you go.


When I chose to let you go, there was no great moment of triumph.
There wasn’t an earth-shattering epiphany that changed my life, where music played and the universe conspired to bring everything together for good.

There was no conflict, no turmoil and no struggle. No internal argument. No weighing of pros and cons. No decision to be analyzed to death—even by me, who cannot make a decision without weeks of obsessive thought over every possible outcome.

There were only two words, when I chose to let you go:

No more.

No more will I measure my worth against your opinion. No more will I be pressed into the shapes you carved for me. No more will I tell my heart to quiet down, ashamed of its clatter. No more will there be blood on my feet from the eggshells I walked on as I tried not to give cause for your disapproval.

No more will I anguish over the ways you misunderstood me. No more will I fight to justify the intention of my heart. No more will I beg for you to see me, the real me—to know me, to love me.

No more will I live my life for you.

When I chose to let you go, there was no holy encounter. The stars did not collapse from the sky and cascade into the oceans. There was no ferocious wind that rattled the walls or blazing fire that consumed all within its destructive path.

There was only quiet resolution, the silent death of leaves that drift to the ground as frost begins to waste them away.
And there I found myself, in the barren ground where you once stood; I came to understand there must be winter.

Winter in all its loss, its grief, its letting go.
There must be a time for old things to die, that new things may be born.

When I chose to let you go, it was for me.

I learned to love myself even when you made me feel I deserved no love. To honor my own needs, my own heart and my own potential. To walk my own path, not yours. To not be pulled back into your confines while my spirit yearned to be free.

When I chose to let you go, I made coffee, ate toast, and folded clothes. I went to yoga and collected my mail and paid my bills. There was nothing out of place on the outside of my ordinary life—no visible change, nothing new or different.

There was only surrender.

One moment.

One breath.

I chose to let you go.

And in doing so, I chose me.

By Kathy Parker
(with permission)

Please check out Kathy’s blog at : https://kathyparker.com.au/

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  1. Nice poetry…when I decided to let you go, it meant not only I chose me but I chose the best for you and for me.

      1. beautifully written. inspired me to write something a bit less poetic, but equally true.
        on our first new year’s eve, you chose to kiss someone else, but not me. when you came home from war, you bragged to me that you had been unfaithful.
        when i stopped crying, you said you actually hadn’t. i asked why you would tell me such a hurtful thing, if it wasn’t true ? your answer : “i just wanted to see what you’d do.”
        you housed me in a basement apartment, crawling with bugs, then, a tiny trailer. you wouldn’t let me drive your car, or have one of my own.
        when i needed surgery, i woke up in the recovery room, and my parents and my pastor were there. you were not. that was my light bulb moment. love ? i didn’t even like you. you’re gone !

      2. Hello commenter Worthless..sometimes I am afraid to make some comments with your responses because you seem to be much heartbroken, betrayed? maybe…

        We.I cannot feel what you wanted unless we can be friends wherein you can share with me objectively maturely anything you feel that needs to be poured out to a trusted friend.

        Nobody can decide for anybody’s feelings. All of us are capable of managing our feelings. We have the freedom to choose how to go about our psychological and emotional state.

        1. I dont need any answers everything is clear to me. Though late.
          I know i have options and thankful to those who are willing to accept me even today. But i dont want to give a chance not because their love is not enough, because i no longer want to try anything. I believe embracing destiny is good for all otherwise i would not have been let to this day by God.
          I m broken for the fact how God let someone fool me so much, when i dint ever harm or think bad for those who hurt me. Thats all.

  2. Thank you Kathy.
    Your words inspired me to write to you.

    Right this moment
    But soon
    Someone will have that powerful feeling of “Letting Go”
    It will take their breath away
    Breath deeply and know your new journey is about to begin
    Stay strong and remember that breath of freedom.

    My journey took me 23 years until he let me go. I never would have. I didn’t have the strength. But the very second he told me he wanted a divorce God gave me that powerful feeling and in my mind the words of letting go…Thank God it’s finally over. The memory of that breath is what keeps me going on my new journey. It’s so peaceful out here in this other world.

  3. Commenter Arlene, so heart breaking…and at the same time Healing…you were right when I apologized in July…missed and regretted you everyday… you are so right to make a decision…go forward great woman… I know you will accomplish great things in like…you’ll never be worthless in this world…l believe you were my angel on my should when I felt no one…I hold no hatred only sorrow… I pray for you that god will give you the gift your looking for…alwaysWow Man

    1. You know commenter Wow Man, I am touched and happy to read your comments, as if we know each other…it may seem unfair truly because I do not know who you truly are…though I have some assumption intuition…but still unfair with me…anyway, life may be unfair at times…do not you have the sweet courage to tell me who you truly are?

      If you believe I were your angel then why can we not be soul friends? I know with the way you write, hatred does not and cannot occupy a space in your heart, and time helps us delete the sorrow in our minds and in our hearts. I do likewise feel the same.

      Someone who has a pure and clean heart is what I long for and I found that in some virtual friends I met…I found that in you I know.

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