What it really feels like when someone you love cheats on you.

Cheating on someone is one of the worst (I repeat – WORST) things you can ever do to someone. To you, it might have been all a game, but to them, it might have meant everything.

Whether or not you’re doing it to fill a void or just for the thrill of it, when you cheat on someone, you’re doing more than just hurting them. You might be unaware of the consequences of your actions, but let me tell you, for someone who has been cheated on, it will always be some sort of reminder to them – it will always haunt them. It is a concoction of heartbreak, anger, regret, anxiety, and shame all rolled into one.

When you cheat on someone, you’re telling them they’re not good enough for you. That you never loved them.

You may beg to differ, but how can you put someone you truly love in such a position? To make them doubt their self-worth? To make them question everything they thought they knew about you? To make them believe that their trust was completely misplaced?

“Did I do something wrong?”
“What could I have done to prevent it?”
“Why did this happen?”
“Am I not good enough?”
“Why did you do it?”

– are questions you’ll ask yourself over and over again when you’ve been cheated on.

You don’t cheat on someone you love. Period.

When you cheat on someone, they’ll always be emotionally scarred. They’ll have their walls up because they don’t want to ever be hurt that way again. To feel like your world is crumbling, to believe that things like that happened, but just not to you. You see it in movies all the time, but we all know what happens in the movies and what happens in real life are two completely different ball games altogether.

They won’t let just anyone in; and even when they do let someone in eventually, they’ll always be guarded.

They’ll be paranoid, and you can’t blame them for it. Even if they’re in a new happy relationship, they’ll carry the hurt and the emotional baggage from the previous relationship into their new relationship – whether it be conscious or not – and it can’t be helped. They’ll always be suspicious, but don’t blame them for it; they’re just afraid that the same thing will happen to them again, and they can’t go through something as painful as that ever again.

They’ll want to trust again, but it’ll be difficult for them. They would take forever to learn how to trust, and how to be okay. Even if they’ve come to the rational conclusion that their cheating ex is a horrible person, you’ll somehow still fear that every future partner has or is cheating on you. Congratulations, you’re now an emotional wreck and a mess inside, and you’re going to spend every waking moment trying not to imagine the worst because you believe you’re completely broken.

When you cheat on someone, what you really mean to tell them is this: “I don’t love you. I don’t respect you, and I don’t care for/about you. I didn’t think about us, and how this would affect us. I was only thinking about myself.”

Is just one person not enough for us anymore? Aren’t we supposed to just find one person whom we think is worth it, and always stick by them through the good, the bad and the ugly?

When you love your partner, it means you respect them. And when you cheat on them, you’re betraying all of that. Isn’t it absolutely apparent that loyalty is fundamental in any relationship? We don’t need a Guide Book for Dummies for that, do we?

So please, leave if you must, but don’t cheat on someone you love, because that is the worst kind of damage you can do to someone who loves you.

Written by: Vondra Tay (with permission)

This article was published in thoughtcatalog.com

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  1. This is so true. Although we’re still together and working things out, there is still the thought that he’ll do it gain. I tell him that the only good thing that came out of his affair is his son by the other woman. We are raising him together. He is half Chinese and wanted to live here in the USA with us. He calls me mom and tells everyone that I am his mom.

  2. This is all so true, the self-doubt the questioning of everything. I’m still with her as well we’ve been married now for 20 years, she cheated four years ago and I just know deep down that one day I will leave her. The relationship is completely different now and I understand so much more about this subject but it is so true how do you cheat on someone if you truly love them, the answer is you don’t.

    1. My wife did the samething and I’m still after 3 months messed up by it. I don’t understand why and not sure how to get over this. U said u r still with her does it get any easier as time goes on. I make comments sometimes about what she did and we do fight about it. I don’t mean to bother u but was hoping I could get some advice from someone that’s in my shoes

  3. Article is right on point. The night I found out my wife was cheating on me, changed everything. 12 years of marriage, my best friend, my wife, our future, everything gone in a second. You just know that some betrayals are unforgivable. 4 years latter, I haven’t had another relationship, nor will I ever. Cheating is the worst, most despicable thing you can ever do to a loved one. My ex wife had no trouble finding many new relationships. That’s always how it is though…

    1. oh brad. i feel your pain… i almost killed myself but my daughter saved me.still trying to heal but i guess things happen for a reason… i m sory to say this but im bit realif that i am not the solo story here…..

  4. Yep.27years of marriage. He cheated when I had cancer , had a child with her and I forgave him because he cried and asked me too I did and 19 years later he left me for her.left out two beautiful children for her and their child.broke me to the core it’s been 7 years and I still can’t get over it. Trust? I thought he earned it back, turns out he didn’t care about me at all.all these years and it still haunts me.

  5. Married for 3 yrs,weve been together for 5 yrs. my husband went another city for work and suddenly did’nt call and send any messages for months.always been worried what could have happened to him,so his mom and sis went to his place for me(im living overseas and waiting for his petition)to find out what happened and his neighbors said he is out with a girl that night and trying to work on their relationship.in addition he is always drunk and living a happy single life while me and his daughter have nothing to eat! Bang! that killed me until now. Never heard from him yet and im suffering severe depression up to these days. He left me devastated, no money,no job because he wants me to stay home with our kid.my parents feed me and my daughter and im not sure how to move on

  6. Ive been that situation bt still im here even it hurts me a lot inside . I dont know wat to do ..i dnt know why i cant leave …

  7. Thank you …. Explained very well. I was so confused for having all those feelings described about myself when I was going through this pain. In time I somewhat understood that it was normal to feel that way.God Bless you.

  8. I have also been there, over 20 years of marriage, 3 kids..one thing I would like to share that has helped me is realizing that it wasn’t me, he is the one broken, I had my share of faults and mistakes but ultimately he is the one with the struggle and trying to find relief in others. It always starts with us, we are the game changers, like all of you opening up and getting back out there is not easy but have faith and take it one step at a time!

  9. We both cheated and can no longer get back the innocence we had. So sad and regrettable. We learned too late that we always just wanted the other only. We should’ve never strayed. I’ve lost the live of my life. Over a terrible night.

  10. Even worse is when they (your husband) cheats on you with his secretary 15 years younger than you unprotected sex when you are pregnant with his child and still comes home looking for it from you. Then a few years later you have to find out he’s given you an STD from cheating again. And he wonders why you won’t have any communication with him apart from email.

  11. I was married for 13 years, my ex, along with every guy before him, cheated on me. I felt just like this article states and I believed that was how I would always feel, that I was broken. Then I created my own 13 step program to help recover from these things. To learn how to love myself the way i wanted to be loved my entire life. This is what it feels like there is no doubt of that, it isn’t easy to heal, but it IS possible!

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