What it really feels like when someone you love cheats on you.

Cheating on someone is one of the worst (I repeat – WORST) things you can ever do to someone. To you, it might have been all a game, but to them, it might have meant everything.

Whether or not you’re doing it to fill a void or just for the thrill of it, when you cheat on someone, you’re doing more than just hurting them. You might be unaware of the consequences of your actions, but let me tell you, for someone who has been cheated on, it will always be some sort of reminder to them – it will always haunt them. It is a concoction of heartbreak, anger, regret, anxiety, and shame all rolled into one.

When you cheat on someone, you’re telling them they’re not good enough for you. That you never loved them.

You may beg to differ, but how can you put someone you truly love in such a position? To make them doubt their self-worth? To make them question everything they thought they knew about you? To make them believe that their trust was completely misplaced?

“Did I do something wrong?”
“What could I have done to prevent it?”
“Why did this happen?”
“Am I not good enough?”
“Why did you do it?”

– are questions you’ll ask yourself over and over again when you’ve been cheated on.

You don’t cheat on someone you love. Period.

When you cheat on someone, they’ll always be emotionally scarred. They’ll have their walls up because they don’t want to ever be hurt that way again. To feel like your world is crumbling, to believe that things like that happened, but just not to you. You see it in movies all the time, but we all know what happens in the movies and what happens in real life are two completely different ball games altogether.

They won’t let just anyone in; and even when they do let someone in eventually, they’ll always be guarded.

They’ll be paranoid, and you can’t blame them for it. Even if they’re in a new happy relationship, they’ll carry the hurt and the emotional baggage from the previous relationship into their new relationship – whether it be conscious or not – and it can’t be helped. They’ll always be suspicious, but don’t blame them for it; they’re just afraid that the same thing will happen to them again, and they can’t go through something as painful as that ever again.

They’ll want to trust again, but it’ll be difficult for them. They would take forever to learn how to trust, and how to be okay. Even if they’ve come to the rational conclusion that their cheating ex is a horrible person, you’ll somehow still fear that every future partner has or is cheating on you. Congratulations, you’re now an emotional wreck and a mess inside, and you’re going to spend every waking moment trying not to imagine the worst because you believe you’re completely broken.

When you cheat on someone, what you really mean to tell them is this: “I don’t love you. I don’t respect you, and I don’t care for/about you. I didn’t think about us, and how this would affect us. I was only thinking about myself.”

Is just one person not enough for us anymore? Aren’t we supposed to just find one person whom we think is worth it, and always stick by them through the good, the bad and the ugly?

When you love your partner, it means you respect them. And when you cheat on them, you’re betraying all of that. Isn’t it absolutely apparent that loyalty is fundamental in any relationship? We don’t need a Guide Book for Dummies for that, do we?

So please, leave if you must, but don’t cheat on someone you love, because that is the worst kind of damage you can do to someone who loves you.

Written by: Vondra Tay (with permission)

This article was published in thoughtcatalog.com

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  1. You can still love someone you cheated on. There can be extenuating circumstances that led you did that path.
    It doesn’t make you a horrible person. It makes you human. What you are saying is a blanket statement and not acknowledging the other side.

  2. You’re wrong Kat. One can never justify cheating, leave, don’t cheat. Nobody deserves to be cheated on no matter what, there is no excuse, it’s not an accident, it’s not a mistake, it didn’t just happen, the cheater consciously chooses to cheat. If you cheat you are a bad person, the worst kind, you are a liar, you are self centered and a letdown to everyone who knows you, and in the process destroyed someone who loved you. Never believe that if you cheated you’re a good person that made a bad decision, you are a terrible person who has been exposed for the lowlife that you are.

  3. When you are the one that’s been cheated on, believe me everything mentioned Is true. I have been left broken struggling to put myself back together. My life, future and mind is never going to be the same. You cannot love someone if you are willing to inflict that pain on someone, no matter the circumstances you try to work through things or leave..its a very selfish act.

  4. I agree with John too.
    However, I did leave. We were separated. My husband believes it was still cheating. He was right because I knew the guy before I left but that was not the reason I left.
    Now my husband and I are back together. We have tried counseling and everything else, including prayer. Our marriage is not the same. Some say our marriage will be better but so far it isn’t. It’s different but not better. The innocence and pure ness is gone.
    I haven’t ever cheated again. I never would. Still it’s been 20+ years and my husband is still trying “get over it.”
    I have learned he won’t just get over it but he can get through it.
    I just hope we can stay together for the rest of our lives. I do love him and I know he loves me too.

  5. It was July 2015 my mum was diagnosed with stage 4 bowel cancer, She had her bowel removed I went to the hospital most nights, took her to chemo every 2 weeks, while working full time and having 3 children, come xmas, mum and dad came for xmas dinner (not realising it would be my mums last) boxing dad my husband woke up had an argument with my eldest (12 at the time) and walked out didn’t hear from him no word nothing, we were really worried, I called the police, he turned up and said he wasn’t well in his head and had to leave for awhile, I asked him all the questions is seeing someone else blah blah, 2nd jan I get a message (not realising it was HER) saying my husband is having an affair I confronted him he said it all lies for hours he kept saying it was lies, when he finally told the truth he thought I’d been having an affair every time I went to the hospital to visit my dying mother, everything hurt words can’t even describe the pain, a few weeks past and I decided to try with my husband blaming myself for spending so much time with my mum, my mum past away July 2016, I don’t know wether staying with my husband was for comfort knowing my mother was dying, but I needed him, roll on to sept 2017 I find naked pictures of a so called friend on his phone, we had moved country to start again but I don’t know what I want anymore, everything in this article I’ve felt and still feel over 2 years later, I lost my younger brother last month and all I feel is heartache over and over, does any of this heartache fade, I try every day to be the best wife but why should I try so hard

  6. I have been cheated on four years ago by a husband to-be and still haven’t got over it. It has haunted me for such a long, what’s more I have been battling with depression since then and even though I would like to fall in love again with someone, it is hard for me to find anyone who would understand me and respect my scars and past.
    I have met a lot of men, but they are too liberal and have no deeper thoughts or a sort of empathy for what I had gone through and suffered. Apart from being very deeply wounded inside, I’m being destroyed again and again by men, who turn out to be of my interest and attention, and who later give up on me…I haven’t got any hope that there is any soulmate and a man who would value me and love me unconditionally with such a heavy emotional background.

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