What it really feels like when someone you love cheats on you.

Cheating on someone is one of the worst (I repeat – WORST) things you can ever do to someone. To you, it might have been all a game, but to them, it might have meant everything.

Whether or not you’re doing it to fill a void or just for the thrill of it, when you cheat on someone, you’re doing more than just hurting them. You might be unaware of the consequences of your actions, but let me tell you, for someone who has been cheated on, it will always be some sort of reminder to them – it will always haunt them. It is a concoction of heartbreak, anger, regret, anxiety, and shame all rolled into one.

When you cheat on someone, you’re telling them they’re not good enough for you. That you never loved them.

You may beg to differ, but how can you put someone you truly love in such a position? To make them doubt their self-worth? To make them question everything they thought they knew about you? To make them believe that their trust was completely misplaced?

“Did I do something wrong?”
“What could I have done to prevent it?”
“Why did this happen?”
“Am I not good enough?”
“Why did you do it?”

– are questions you’ll ask yourself over and over again when you’ve been cheated on.

You don’t cheat on someone you love. Period.

When you cheat on someone, they’ll always be emotionally scarred. They’ll have their walls up because they don’t want to ever be hurt that way again. To feel like your world is crumbling, to believe that things like that happened, but just not to you. You see it in movies all the time, but we all know what happens in the movies and what happens in real life are two completely different ball games altogether.

They won’t let just anyone in; and even when they do let someone in eventually, they’ll always be guarded.

They’ll be paranoid, and you can’t blame them for it. Even if they’re in a new happy relationship, they’ll carry the hurt and the emotional baggage from the previous relationship into their new relationship – whether it be conscious or not – and it can’t be helped. They’ll always be suspicious, but don’t blame them for it; they’re just afraid that the same thing will happen to them again, and they can’t go through something as painful as that ever again.

They’ll want to trust again, but it’ll be difficult for them. They would take forever to learn how to trust, and how to be okay. Even if they’ve come to the rational conclusion that their cheating ex is a horrible person, you’ll somehow still fear that every future partner has or is cheating on you. Congratulations, you’re now an emotional wreck and a mess inside, and you’re going to spend every waking moment trying not to imagine the worst because you believe you’re completely broken.

When you cheat on someone, what you really mean to tell them is this: “I don’t love you. I don’t respect you, and I don’t care for/about you. I didn’t think about us, and how this would affect us. I was only thinking about myself.”

Is just one person not enough for us anymore? Aren’t we supposed to just find one person whom we think is worth it, and always stick by them through the good, the bad and the ugly?

When you love your partner, it means you respect them. And when you cheat on them, you’re betraying all of that. Isn’t it absolutely apparent that loyalty is fundamental in any relationship? We don’t need a Guide Book for Dummies for that, do we?

So please, leave if you must, but don’t cheat on someone you love, because that is the worst kind of damage you can do to someone who loves you.

Written by: Vondra Tay (with permission)

This article was published in thoughtcatalog.com

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  1. Cheaters SUCK! Not ONLY are they ONLY thinking about THEMSELVES AND NOBODY ELSE …… BUT, they think they are ABOVE ANYONE & EVERYONE ….. Including God!

    Now, THAT is sad!

    Thank God 4 God! Thank God that I AM NOT THE JUDGE! Only He does the judging and PUNISHMENT!

    As for me ….. I am NOT RISKING IT! I WILL NOT play with God!

  2. My last relationship was consumed with cheating and me being unsure about my every thought, the pain? No words. But I’ve put a link to people that are so unfeeling to cheat and just keep on with no regards to there partners may have narcissistic tendency and truly the person, relationship and trust bond I am grieving for never existed. Food for thought.

  3. This is a very true article and spot on. I am a male that was married for almost 12 years and in the relationship for 14 total. We have three children from the relationship. At the time of the cheating wife they were ages 7, 4 and 9 months. I have been involved in public causes, a small business owner, College graduate and respected in the community. At the time I was 35 years old and she was 32. The paramour was a 25 year old, had no job, no education and lived with his Mom and Dad. He also was well known as a local drug abuser, mostly marijuana and pills.

    After she was caught the normal divorce mode menatlity went into effect for her with advice of others. At the time I was still willing to at least work on the marriage. I cant say that it would have worked but because of our children I felt the need to try. She had zero interest. She was already planning anew life with a boy that couldnt take care of himself much less an unemployed woman with three children. And she was unemployed by choice to be a stay at home mother. As mentioned the divorce mode…at first the lies told was that I was the cheater around our small town. Then the normal game played making the man out to be or implied an abuser, drunk, and the list goes on in order to gain advantage in the divorce proceedings and for monetary gain and custody. None true but still the same playbook against many Men in divorce proceedings.

    I could go on and on where this story would be a book. After nearly six years I see the damage this has caused to me but more importantly my children. And of course in the mind of a cheater there is never anything wrong because to admit so would be to admit the wrong doing. This woman will do everything possible to justify her actions. Most cheaters do. And one of the hard things for someone who was completely caught off guard by this is knowing I will never receive an apology. My feelings will never be acknowledged. But I must always be the bad guy in her mind. That helps her sleep at night I guess.

    If someone is unhappy in a relationship and more importantly in a marriage get out before you cheat. Especially to someone you share children with. I would love to have a new relationship but starting over in what is now my early 40s isnt the fun thing some might think–especially with three children. And like this article states how can someone thats been through this and the turmoil of a terrible divorce ever want to go through it again. Especially when you never saw it coming the first time. Especially when in a million years you would have never have thought your wife would cheat. If the woman you have three children with especially the ages mine were then anyone would.

    So do not cheat.

    1. Dave, I can completely understand and appreciate your situation. I too, married for 16 years and have with two beautiful children with my husband, am left to deal with the fact that my husband cheated on me. When I found out, he tried denying any wrongdoings then moved into twisting things by saying he “thought” that I cheated on him (which is totally absurd) as I worked a full time job and whenever I left my home, either one or both of my children were with me. I tried to get him to work on our marriage and on many occasions suggested counseling, a weekend away together, etc all to no avail. He said that counseling was “a waste of time and money” I think he was leery of the counselor seeing right through his countless lies.

      I never in a million years thought that we would ever be where we are but unfortunately, my husband has placed us here. I stuck by him through difficult times and so many people asked me why I stayed and my response always was because I love my husband. Needless to say my life, as well as that of my children have been turned upside down and all I can do is try to remain strong for my kids and be the best Mom that I can be.

      As for trust…ugh, how do you trust again. That is the million dollar question. I am told that with time, I will learn to do so but it will not be easy opening up my heart again.

      Wishing you the best of luck!

    2. Thank you for sharing. I’m sorry this happened to you. Hang in there…you are young and will find love and faithfulness. I am sure of it.

  4. And when you do it repeatedly, over years, each time saying you’re sorry, and then give the one who loves you diseases, you are telling them that not only are they not good enough for you… they are not good enough for anyone.

  5. It is just an ugly, deceitful behaviour. You have betrayed, God, your spouse and man.
    (A victim)

  6. this has ruined my life as I thought I found my soulmate only to find that after 19 years I believed she loved me she promised me she would never do this she knew from her past what it is like and she did it anyway to me made my life a living hell now im so afraid to try to get into a realationship again now for I live in the fear of this again just such a rough thing to get through to give and trust with all your heart and soul only to get walked on im sorry for all who have gone through this its sad but true I guess this is the new way of life for some ha I know in the end they will have to answer for what they have done I just hope I can someday get through this as I wish the same for all others who have or will go through this

  7. I’m so sorry Dave. I am recently divorced. I found out my husband of 25 YEARS had been having an affair! I can’t put into words what a heartbreak, and how deceitful a violation it was for me! I had no idea this would ever happen. I’m so darn trusting! He just goes on with his nasty woman. Stay strong. Take care of your children. And take care of yourself too! Wish this would never happen to any of us!!

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