The Myth Of ‘Playing Hard To Get’

The Myth Of ‘Playing Hard To Get’


When it comes to dating, playing ‘hard to get’ is a common tactic. Maybe it’s you, maybe it’s them – dodging calls, taking a day to reply to texts, being hot and cold – the list goes on. The idea surrounding this technique is that if you play it right, you can supposedly keep the person you’re playing the game with on the edge of their seat, unable to stop thinking about you and desperate for your attention. The mixed signals you emit when using this method are intended to confuse the other person, giving them just enough interest and attention to keep them hungry and wanting more, but not enough to show you’re genuinely interested.
Mind games like this are often ineffective, however. Below are five reasons why playing hard to get doesn’t work!
It can push the other person away
This is one of the most common consequences of playing hard to get (or any kind of mind games at all, really) with someone you like. The constant mixed signals, distance, and lack of enthusiasm can take their toll and end up driving away the person you wanted to keep close and under your thumb. Watch out that you don’t take it too far, or you may find that the object of your affection is no longer interested in chasing you.


Establishing a weak foundation for a relationship
If your goal from playing hard to get is to eventually enter a relationship with the person you’re playing it with, perhaps reconsider your course of action. Even if you win them over, your work will be far from done. In many cases, you’ll enter the relationship on uneven ground. The lack of honesty, openness, self-confidence, and emotional maturity displayed playing such games may linger in the kind of your partner. These issues can fester and cause resentment further down the line. Not being honest with them originally about your intentions and how you feel often leaves a mark.
It typically doesn’t work on secure people
Someone that is secure in themselves, with a good sense of their own self-worth, is less likely to put up with mind games and the cold shoulder. They’d rather just be honest and mature about the situation, and they’re likely to know that no relationship that is worth it would need mind games to reel them in in the first place.


Mind games breed mind games
If you play with fire, prepare to get burned. Playing mind games with someone like being hard to get is a sure-fire way to find yourself the victim of their own mind games. Watch out – you might end up getting played at your own game.
  • Immaturity
At the end of the day, playing hard to get is a big red flag of emotional immaturity. If you like someone, show it. If you don’t like them, tell them.  Stringing them along often isn’t going to achieve anything other than wasting their time as well as your own. Anyone with a mature mindset will see playing mind games in a whole other light, and will quite possibly steer clear from you altogether in a romantic sense.
But the bottom line is this: if you meet someone that you’re legitimately interested in, act interested. If they’re interested too, they won’t think twice about the fact that you’re not “playing hard to get.”

Written by Maverick, Staff writer at Lessons Learned In Life Inc.

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  1. Women don’t have a choice in this. They are wired to play mind games and there is nothing they can say or do that will change that.

  2. I don’t get why people use such kind of tricks or tactics. What are they trying to show? Why people can’t be genuine nowadays? What’s the problem to say or do the things that you really feel like doing. If someone likes you and you also have feelings for them, just simply tell them or show them. Don’t act like a child. Be mature enough to be true to yourself and to the other person.

    1. @Nirja I don’t quite get it either. And I somewhat agree with you. Here is one example what could be the problem. If a person that interests you is your friend and you really like that person in a romantic way, if you go straight forward with it and the person you like says no, it could ruin your friendship. On the other hand, you might never find out. The question is, would it be worth it? If you’re not sure if you both are on the same page. Anyway, I agree, it’s better to be straightforward and tell and/or show how you feel and not being childish and insecure by playing hard to get and other mind games. If you already know that a person you like likes you back, it shouldn’t be any need for such games, just be open about it and start your new relationship with honesty and if you do play mind games, it could lead to a bad outcome.

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