The Difference Between Dating A Boy And Dating A Man.
I’m not talking about age, here. I’ve met plenty of men who were mature in years but immature in their mindset. Maturity in this context refers to a state of mind, a standard of personal and emotional development that sets certain men apart from others.
So many women make the mistake of dating men who have childish, insecure mentalities, and end up going through unnecessary drama as a result of it.
If you’re the kind of woman who at all respects herself and takes her happiness and quality of life seriously, then you should make sure that you don’t waste your time on immature guys.
Here are ten reasons why it’s better to date men who are emotionally developed and mentally mature:
They’re protective, but not possessive – there’s a common misconception that the more controlling a guy is of you, the more he cares about you. This couldn’t be further from the truth; if he truly cared about you, he’d know that he can’t control you, and he wouldn’t even want to try in the first place.
True maturity in love is about understanding that loving someone means knowing that you have to let them be free. To try and possess the person you’re with is to strangle and restrict them; you need to let them fly. A mature guy knows this. It doesn’t mean that he doesn’t care about you – he’s still protective. He doesn’t have the desire to own you, however. He knows that to love means to give away, and that includes giving away any sense of control over the person that you’re with.
When they tell you that they love you, they mean it – a guy who’s mature and knows himself won’t tell you that he loves you unless he really means it. He understands the intensity and depth of emotion that comes with love. He understands how much power is attached to the word, and how with this power comes responsibility. Mature men won’t use it as a weapon or tool to manipulate you; when they tell you they love you, it comes from a sincere and earnest place.
They want to inspire you and build you up, not tear you down – with maturity comes the insight of what a relationship is all about; the bond that two people have with one another. With immature guys, this bond can very easily be toxic and full of resentment and envy. Your accomplishments and achievements only fuel their sense of failure and inferiority, and they take this out on you by putting you down in order to make themselves feel better.
With mature guys, however, this bond is a positive, wholesome, and mutually loving one. They see your accomplishments not as threatening or embarrassing to them, but inspiring and uplifting. They want the relationship that they have with you to be mutually uplifting and inspiring. They want to support you, and in turn be supported by you. They understand that together, you can push each other on to reach new heights of achievement, love, and happiness.
They challenge you because they know that you can do better – a mature guy knows what you’re capable of. Rather than being strict or overbearing, though, they simply help you to look at your problems from different perspectives and encourage you to rise to the obstacle and try to overcome it. They push you to be the best version of yourself possible, because they know deep down just how much you’re truly capable of.
They’re as feminist as you are – immature guys are likely to view feminism as a reactionary movement full of shrill offended women and ‘beta’ guys that want to signal how much of an ally to women they are in order to try and get laid. Mature men, however, understand that anyone with an ounce of common sense, compassion, and respect for other people considers themselves to be a feminist. This is because all feminism is really about is equality and treating people the same regardless of how they look or what sex they are.
They can talk about, manage, and process their own emotions – perhaps the most refreshing thing about dating mature guys is their ability to understand and process their own emotions. So many men seem to be totally unable to do this, which results in them bottling things up, dwelling on them, and become utterly corrupted and poisoned by their festering contempt and resentment of themselves and by extension others.
They own up when they make mistakes – mature guys aren’t afraid of making mistakes. They know that no one is perfect, and that if they always kept it straight they’d never learn. They embrace their mistakes, and see them as opportunities to develop and grow as people. They’re open when they do mess up, and they’re not too proud to hold their hands up and say that they got it wrong. Immature guys, however, are very likely to be virtually paralysed by the mistakes they make. In fact, they might be so ashamed to have messed up that they try to hide and bury their mistakes at all costs, which can only lead to lies, suspicion, defensiveness, and, ultimately, resentment.
A guy that’s mature, on the other hand, has a degree of insight into his own emotional state. He can regulate and control his emotions; he isn’t a slave to them. He understands that how he feels inside isn’t necessarily anyone’s fault, and that bottling his emotions up will only lead to them getting worse. He is therefore able to talk about how he feels, no matter how hard that might be. With a mature guy, you can sit and calmly discuss even the most difficult emotions without it spiralling into a huge fight where both sides resort to screaming out of sheer frustration and anger.
They understand the importance of mutual trust – a truly mature man is someone who knows how fundamentally vital trust is to a relationship. Trust is the foundation and bedrock of any romantic relationship. Without it, you might as well be building on sand. Because mature men have this understanding, they know what they need to do to hold up their end of the mutual trust that the two of you need to build. They are open and honest, because they know that no matter how badly they mess up, without trust the two of you have nothing.
They respect you, rather than taking you for granted – mature guys don’t see women as trophies or status symbols. They don’t just assume that you’ll always be there no matter how badly they treat you or overlook your needs and wants. Instead, they treat you like the human being that you are, with love and appreciation. They consider your feelings when they talk and when they act, and they know how lucky they are to have you in their life.
If something’s important to you, it’s important to them – maturity means understanding that just because something may not particularly interest you doesn’t mean you should write it off completely. When you enjoy something and show interest and enthusiasm, a mature guy doesn’t just write it off. Rather, they show interest in it too. That’s because if it means something to you, then it means something to them. They want to get to know all of the things that you enjoy, regardless of how they might feel about them personally. Every aspect of your life and every interest that you have is another way for them to connect and bond with you, and that’s something that they’re always eager to do.
Written by Maverick, Staff writer at Lessons Learned In Life Inc. ©