To encourage you to keep going.
To remind you to be strong.

Published on May 24, 2018 in Blog1, Picture Quotes, Revive
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Thank You for Teaching Me I Was Worth More Than You: An Open Letter to the One Who Nearly Broke Me, But Not Quite

 

“You didn’t love her. You just didn’t want to be alone. Or maybe, maybe she was good for your ego. Or maybe she made you feel better about your miserable life. But you didn’t love her, because you don’t destroy the person that you love” (Grey’s Anatomy)

 

When I look back now, it’s hard to believe I ever thought you loved me. How desperate I must have been to call that love when in your hands I became so small; crushed by the heaviness of your fingers as they pressed into my skin, the imprint faded but still visible after all this time. How eroded my worth became with each crash of furious words that washed against the already worn breakwaters of my heart. How afraid I became of not just you, but of everything I once was that I no longer trusted myself to be, for fear I would take a wrong step and set off another landmine beneath the surface of your skin.

 

You left that day, stopping only to push the knife in a little deeper on your way out the door. The pain was so great I hoped to bleed out, right there on the floor where you left me. I wondered if I could survive what you had done to me; if I even wanted to. But resilience has always coursed through my veins faster than sorrow and though weak, I found the courage to pick myself up from the floor that day.

 

It all seems so long ago now. How far I have come since these pale scars were once open wounds. How distant the taste of bitterness upon my tongue now seems. I’ve long since stopped wanting to call, to write, to tell you of all the ways you nearly broke me, but not quite. Instead, I have come to realise should I ever pass by you on the street, there is only two words I would need to say.

 

Thank you.

 

Thank you for teaching me I will never again settle for someone who can destroy a woman and call that love; who can not only justify their abuse through victim-blaming, but make a woman believe they actually deserved such abuse.

 

Thank you for teaching me I will never again be controlled by another in a relationship; that I am the keeper of my own life, my own choices and my own relationships and I’m entitled to live my life with freedom, and not be imprisoned by another person’s power over me.

 

Thank you for teaching me I need not compromise who I am and all I believe in order to be loved; that I do not need to scrape my knees on the ground of another’s approval, nor ever apologise for who I am to those who choose not to accept me regardless.

 

Thank you for teaching me I do not need another to complete me; that I am better off being alone than ever being with someone who does not love me with respect, kindness, thoughtfulness, gentleness, acceptance.

 

Thank you for teaching me never to look back; for all the apologies that didn’t reach your eyes, for all the promises spoken through lying teeth, for all the times I did come back only to end up more shattered by you each time.

 

Thank you for helping me understand men like you never change.

 

Thank you for teaching me I am worth more than you.

 

Thank you for teaching me about love.

 

The kind of love you could never give.

 

The kind of love I am worth.

 

The kind of love I will only ever accept from another so long as they can love me the way I have finally learned to love myself.

Written by Kathy Parker

( with permission)

Kathy Parker is a Warrior. Dreamer. Creator. Writer. Fighter of all that is beautiful and good. Advocator for the underdog. Truth-teller. Empath. Passionate soul. Lover of land and ocean. Coffee drinker. Gentle spirit. Sensitive soul. Wild heart. Survivor. She is a freelance writer, blogger for HuffPost Australia, and columnist for elephant journal who is currently writing her first manuscript.

Married to a farmer in the Limestone Coast of South Australia, she is also a mother to four astonishing children.

Find out more about Kathy at her blog: https://kathyparker.com.au/

 

5 Comments

  1. Judith Lynn May 24, 2018 Reply

    I love this! If only I could be strong enough to make it mine. With baby steps, I’m starting to love myself again. Thank you!

  2. Amanda May 25, 2018 Reply

    I think those who stay can only be understood by those who also once stayed. And once we are free, we can only hope words like these give someone else the strength to free themselves.

  3. anie May 27, 2018 Reply

    what strong and certainly healing words. Very admirable to me, when the lessons of life change to thoughts, that bring healing.
    Although your words are not in my own mindset, I find them powerful and good because they forgive.
    However, I believe that EVERY person seeks happiness and in some people´s way, this search goes deep into misfortune and depression. Not because someone has decided to torment the person, but because the person has chosen this path himself.

  4. Kristin A Toussaint May 27, 2018 Reply

    Gratitude is the way. We wouldn’t be here, if we were still there. Freedom, self-love, self reliance, and personal accountability for your own samvega that need follow to become our essence and live and love fully, reciprocally and wholly. Beautifully written Kathy Parker.

  5. Autumn Smith May 29, 2018 Reply

    I so needed this! Thank you!

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