What it really feels like when someone you love cheats on you.

Cheating on someone is one of the worst (I repeat – WORST) things you can ever do to someone. To you, it might have been all a game, but to them, it might have meant everything.

Whether or not you’re doing it to fill a void or just for the thrill of it, when you cheat on someone, you’re doing more than just hurting them. You might be unaware of the consequences of your actions, but let me tell you, for someone who has been cheated on, it will always be some sort of reminder to them – it will always haunt them. It is a concoction of heartbreak, anger, regret, anxiety, and shame all rolled into one.

When you cheat on someone, you’re telling them they’re not good enough for you. That you never loved them.

You may beg to differ, but how can you put someone you truly love in such a position? To make them doubt their self-worth? To make them question everything they thought they knew about you? To make them believe that their trust was completely misplaced?

“Did I do something wrong?”
“What could I have done to prevent it?”
“Why did this happen?”
“Am I not good enough?”
“Why did you do it?”

– are questions you’ll ask yourself over and over again when you’ve been cheated on.

You don’t cheat on someone you love. Period.

When you cheat on someone, they’ll always be emotionally scarred. They’ll have their walls up because they don’t want to ever be hurt that way again. To feel like your world is crumbling, to believe that things like that happened, but just not to you. You see it in movies all the time, but we all know what happens in the movies and what happens in real life are two completely different ball games altogether.

They won’t let just anyone in; and even when they do let someone in eventually, they’ll always be guarded.

They’ll be paranoid, and you can’t blame them for it. Even if they’re in a new happy relationship, they’ll carry the hurt and the emotional baggage from the previous relationship into their new relationship – whether it be conscious or not – and it can’t be helped. They’ll always be suspicious, but don’t blame them for it; they’re just afraid that the same thing will happen to them again, and they can’t go through something as painful as that ever again.

They’ll want to trust again, but it’ll be difficult for them. They would take forever to learn how to trust, and how to be okay. Even if they’ve come to the rational conclusion that their cheating ex is a horrible person, you’ll somehow still fear that every future partner has or is cheating on you. Congratulations, you’re now an emotional wreck and a mess inside, and you’re going to spend every waking moment trying not to imagine the worst because you believe you’re completely broken.

When you cheat on someone, what you really mean to tell them is this: “I don’t love you. I don’t respect you, and I don’t care for/about you. I didn’t think about us, and how this would affect us. I was only thinking about myself.”

Is just one person not enough for us anymore? Aren’t we supposed to just find one person whom we think is worth it, and always stick by them through the good, the bad and the ugly?

When you love your partner, it means you respect them. And when you cheat on them, you’re betraying all of that. Isn’t it absolutely apparent that loyalty is fundamental in any relationship? We don’t need a Guide Book for Dummies for that, do we?

So please, leave if you must, but don’t cheat on someone you love, because that is the worst kind of damage you can do to someone who loves you.

Written by: Vondra Tay (with permission)

This article was published in thoughtcatalog.com

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  1. I cna feel the pain! Personally, it wouldn’t–or should I say, didn’t–make me doubt my self-worth. Rather, it made me certain he was worthless. But worse, I have seen/heard this time and again, is the way others, even “friends,” find ways to blame the person who was cheated on… he must not have been happy (with you, as in what did or didn’t you do), oh, you did gain weight, etc. etc.

  2. After 9yrs together one would feel that you can put your heart and soul into their trust and honesty. But if they are a coward and allow family influence on the sly and cannot face up to the truth and you come second best, they become blinded to all that was once their future no longer matters. They believe the old saying ..grass is greener…
    For whatever reason. Well, his excuse was he wanted to do the things he sacrificed when he was younger

    He was scared of getting old. can’t men talk it out? Is it all about them. What are women…just fill-ins until they make up their minds. The unbeli evable hurt they cause,not just to me alone but to innocent young children. I believed I had the most honest kind giving man that we would grow into our mature age and we would be there always for each other through thick and thin, good and bad times. He apparently had other ideas and used me for his vehicle to complete his plan and I was never included.

    He should be presented with a logie….

    The only Grace I am left with is that karma will do her job one day and he will feel the indescribable pain I went through
    My heart has been ripped out from the beautiful man I was new.

  3. The words are very true ! I have been cheated on twice! sometimes I feel like a piece of trash….I am disposable, thrown away…..so true.

    1. Do understand your feelings Barbara . I myself was a victim of cheating , someone who I helped in life . The emotional scars were very deep and it took me more than two years to heal myself . Have learnt my lessons . Do try to heal yourself . If you need help please let me know .

  4. So very true! My former husband said he didn’t think he had to ask me or God for forgiveness because he didn’t think he had done anything wrong! The pain is unreal!! And it effects the whole family—not just the wife!

  5. What about the person they cheat with because sometime they don’t tell the truth about being married and that person get hurt also.

  6. He is a narcissistic egotistical SOB. I just didn’t see it at the beginning or if I did it was because I gave him to much credit. Played it off because he is from a different culture. I may never forgive myself for he not only hurt me but also hurt my kids. After 15 years and going through immigration battles,I sounds so stupid now that I see it through broken shards of glass.

  7. My ex husband cheated on me with my best friend .she still with her partner.I couldnt take my ex back ,we had 3 beautiful girls together and I thought we were happy,That was 18month ago I’ve met someone else and I have push he away a few times and went in to lock down because I’m scared and don’t want to get hurt. I feel as thou i cant put my guard down and relax. He a pure gentleman and he makes me feel good,I’ve finished it a few times in the first few months but he always won me back.where together 8 months now and and learn to relax a bit but still have a feeling that it’s to good to be true and something going to come along and ruin it.I love him and it’s scares me

  8. I have been married for six years now to a wonderful women out of bed. After the first 3 months of our marriage loving making came to a stop.i went a year emotionally struggling with the need for attention in bed,I was approached by a lady and I want strong enough to say no, it was a one time accurance .I’m still in need of attention from my wife , you know joint venture , for the two of us. I don’t beg. Won’t beg , and won’t ask , it should just be a natural thing that happens between both parties, you can’t blame it on the affair because her abruptly stopping our love making happened way before the affair. I have recently told her that I hope I’m never approached by a female because it would be hard to say no. I need my wife’s love making , if not , I am doing without and think she is too. I need and love her, and just pray I’m never tempted again by any one.

  9. i think there is something wrong with me.my hub and i wer goin thru a rough tym and he was rejectin me in and out of bed.i had jst gotten a nw job and one of my bosses noticed somethin was wrong.he got closer and i needed a listening ear….i neva knew he was jst a wolf on d prowl.long story short after gaining my trust he ended up forcing himself on me….
    ..heres y i beleive something is wrong wit me …i jst remained quiet …..didnt send him to hell curse or yell…dat encouraged him and he came back for more…..i allowed it.
    later i called off wateva it is we had.me and my hub later made up but i continued to n plagued by guilt cosi feel i cheated(still am)was able to confess two yrs after d incident and ask for his forgivness.he forgave, but i still ask my self y i allowed such to happen.i feel so ashamed wenever i think abt it.

  10. I too experienced this after 5 years together and a bellyful of lies! I know the hurt and self doubt is immense. Feel it, be sad and then be determined to lift yourself up. Know that you are a wonderful, truthful and trusting person that will continue to lead a good life. They on the other hand are a lying, cheating coward, not the best qualities to possess!! They will not change, leave them to God and Karma and seek the best revenge – your own success and happiness 🙂

  11. My husband of 20+ years pulled a big one on me. We let a down on they luck friend stay with us temporarily at first but it became longer and longer. They drank together and hung out and I had a feeling that I was the third wheel in my own house. I put my foot down and said either they go or I go and it didn’t do good until I told my husband I had enough and saw a lawyer. The person moved out but it was a week after that I found out that they had been having sex together the entire time. Oh and the kicker is the friend is a MAN. It’s been 8 months and I still think about the betrayal everyday – we are not divorced either.

  12. It’s not just the cheating, it’s the betrayal, the lies and the realisation that everything they ever told you, all the dreams they made you dream, all the future plans they shared with you, inspiring you to fly with them are ripped away and you crash land. Your trust is broken, your heart bleeds tears and you question yourself for not knowing. How can a man (aged 47, divorced and not a boy) in my case after 2 years of capturing my heart, declaring his love or dare I say now telling me I was the love of his life, his best friend and wanting to grow old with me……………… be having F… Buddies (as he called them) sex addicts like himself and throughout all of those 2 years be on a swingers site showing photos and descriptions of himself and his female (married and cheating) f… buddy on line for all to see, sex clubs, orgies and there he was in all his glory…………… it was devastating to find out and devastating to see…………..the dates where he told me he was on an exercise with work where the same dates he was at the clubs having sex with multiple partners. Seeing it all, ripped my heart out. I was hurting, angry, crying, a mess. How did I find out…….. he accidently sent me an email with a link meant for another woman with the same name as me and sent it to her too. He begged forgiveness, sent me flowers and cried like I’ve never seen a man cry before, he told me he didn’t want to loose me, that he’d stop, that it was meaningless, that he was addicted ………… I loved him, still do and told him he needed help, professional help and i’d stand by him as a friend until he sorted himself out……………….. HE LIED……… he changed their Alias names on the site that same day and continued……….He lost all his integrity and He lost me, a woman that truly loved him. That was over a year ago and I’m still not healed, he hurt me deeply. The thing is that his F..k Buddy is a married woman in her 40’s and only been married for 6 years to her second husband and he doesn’t have a clue that his wife is not only cheating on him on a regular basis but has dozens of sexually explicit photos of herself, also with different partners – male and female – on line for thousands to see. How on earth can people be so wicked and cruel…………… Like I said to him, why the hell did you ask me out, why the hell did you tell me that I was the one that you’ve been searching for, the one that makes you feel complete, why the hell did you feed my heart and soul and make me fall in love with youif you were doing this all along…….. why? Stay single and don’t hurt anyone.

  13. I never cheated somebody I love. I got cheated by a person I loved, I think many times. I never thought about this, because I trusted. But then a friend told me. It was horrible, but as it came all at once, I did not suffer a long time.

  14. All cheaters are cowards and a mess.karma will finish all of them.i pray never to land on a cheater again.

  15. I so tapped to me I didn’t want to live anymore. He told me he lived me but she was fun. Who does that looser you think the grass is green go for it. Not and don’t be crawling back what a looser

  16. I took your love for granted.I refused to have your key from the door.Then I looked and I saw why the door never opened.I would give anything to take the key now.

  17. As someone who has been cheated on, I have to disagree with the overarching statement of “the worst”!

    THE ACT is NOT the worst. DISHONESTY is the worst.

    And NO ONE should, would or could make you feel bad about yourself if you were secure and confident enough in yourself! JELEOUSY= BELEIVING someone is better than you or in the case of cheering, beleiving that they are better suited for that person than you are. AGAIN, if you have self-love and self-confidence then and sexual indiscretion should not turn your world upside down. YES, it hurts! But truly, if you stop and think about it, it is the dishonesty that hurts. Because if your partner where completely honest with you about his/her true feeling, thoughts, insecurities, curiosities, and beliefs, the sexual indiscretions probably would never even take place.

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