Modern Dating Is So Screwed Up.
The way people date is shaped by the culture they live in. In the modern day and age, apps like Tinder and Bumble provide people with long lists of potential lovers. This, plus an increasingly open and liberal attitude to casual sex and dating in the western world, has meant that it can be difficult to really hold a relationship down.
We’re used to convenience. We’re used to swiping on a screen and talking to a new person. It’s all too easy, too upfront, and too available. This means that our standards for long term commitment become impossibly high. We have such a high availability of potential partners that we can afford to be picky. Too picky.
There’s nothing wrong with having high standards, but it’s important to know which standards are reasonable and which aren’t. Loyal, fun, loving, kind – sure, take your pick. Totally perfect? You’re going to be left wanting. Perfection just isn’t something that anyone can possibly achieve.
These days, we’re saturated with media that paints us and idealized picture of what love should look like. We scroll through our phones and are bombarded with images of perfect, gorgeous, happy people massively in love. That isn’t reality. That’s a highlight reel.
The availability of potential lovers today means that you can take your pick of who you want. We’re far less likely to want to stick around and make things work with one person when things get tricky because it’s far more convenient to just pick up another card from the deck than it is to put in the hard work that is required to make a relationship work.
Relationships are the most complicated thing in the world. They’re extremely difficult to nail down. People aren’t perfect. Everybody has their flaws, and even if you’re in the honeymoon stage where you think they’re perfect, sooner or later you’re going to be slapped in the face with all of the things that are wrong with your partner. If you’re going to make things work with someone, it requires hard work, compromise, and, above all else – persistence. You need to have the ability to hang on in there when things get rough. You need to be committed to making things work with someone, as much as you possibly can.
The convenience and ease of access to partners which we see in modern (especially online) dating culture means that all of this is easily pushed to the side in favor of trying to find Mr or Mrs ‘Right’. The problem is, no one is ‘right’ – not really. Everyone has something wrong with them if you look long and hard enough.
People today often don’t want to rush into any kind of commitment. The idea of labels, of saying that you’re in a relationship and want to be together can all just be too much. It requires a level of persistent hard work that we just aren’t prepared to put in.
The problem is that until you’re willing to put in that hard work, things will never work out with anyone.
It’s easy to overthink things. A text (or the lack of one), a weird tone of voice, a funny look – anything can be analyzed to death until we’re convinced that a person doesn’t really like or love us, or that they’re going to cheat on us, or that they’re going to turn around and leave us one day.
We’re scared to get hurt, so we refuse to commit.
The reality is that we can’t be certain of anything. There’s always the ‘what if…’ in the back of our minds. It will always be there. There is always room to doubt anything and everything.
You can’t expect to achieve anything in life if you’re not prepared to take risks and work hard. If you want a fairy-tale relationship, then you have to eventually take a chance on someone and commit to them. You have to be prepared to put in the hard work. You have to be prepared to suffer in order to make it work.
In the end, you have to accept that you can’t control everything. You have to accept that if someone’s going to hurt you, they’re going to hurt you. You have to be prepared to take a chance to find out.
Written by Maverick, Staff Writer at Lessons Learned In Life Inc. ©️