What it means to love the girl with the guarded heart.

There is nothing simple about loving the girl with the guarded heart.


She is not convinced by flowers and fancy dinners, nor won over by compliments and praise. In the beginning she is a slow dance, one step toward you, another step back, as she learns to trust the ways of your heart and the strength of your arms. The dance may be slow but it cannot be rushed, for she will sense the impatience of your steps and the way they fall out of time with hers. Dance with her. Follow the measure of her steps and in time, she will soon look to follow yours.
She will not show you her heart all at once, instead offer you a little at a time, unhurried and watchful of the way you hold each fragile piece. She longs for you to understand how much it takes her to show you these pieces; for you to trace your fingers over the scars left behind from others, to feel the whisper of your breath against her neck as you promise to hold her heart with more care than those who came before. There are parts of her heart that remain unreachable, parts she has buried under layers she will never reveal. Love these parts of her, the parts unseen, the shadows of her soul. For even the sky knows without darkness, the stars cannot adorn us with their light.
She will watch you closer than you realise, listen to every word you speak and weigh it against every action, searching for inconsistencies, seeking the truth of your word and the intention of your heart. Not because she can’t trust you, but because she is cautious, alert, wary; the stories of her past still etched upon her mind. She isn’t ready to trust her heart with you. Not yet. Not until she knows you are a man of your word, a man of steadfast hands and unchanging ways.
There is a part of her that will always remain a little detached, ready to run if she thinks her heart will get damaged again. She no longer believes in second chances, having used all of them on those undeserving of such grace. To hurt her means to lose her, for she would sooner be alone than risk losing the life she has fought so damn hard to rebuild with her own wearied hands. She isn’t there because she needs you. She doesn’t need anyone. She’s there because she has chosen you, because she wants you, because she believes you are worth the risk. And all she asks is for you not to prove her wrong in the chance she has taken, for it has cost her more than you know.
She will need more reassurance than most, she will need you to stay present, available, mindful of her scars. She will think too much, talk too little, cry too often, ask too many questions, struggle to rest in your love. She is complex. Complicated. Perplexing. Sometimes difficult.
But beyond her guarded heart lies a soul that contains the wonders of the universe. One that longs to live and love with abandon, that desires connection and intimacy and to be in relationship with someone who sees both her beauty and her scars, and knows how to fall in love with both.
She holds within her a fierce spirit; brave, strong, courageous, unrelenting; yet is also the quiet and the calm, a place to take shelter against the fury of the wind on storm-filled days. She is nurture, she is passion. She is a touch of madness against ordinary skies, a vulnerable heart with a fearless soul, a barefoot warrior who follows no trails but sets her own path.
She is grounded in her truth, accepting of her flaws, far from perfect but closer to real than most. She is wildflowers and ocean currents and meadows that dance upon the breath of summer winds, uncontained in earthly beauty and free in spiritual grace.
Broken, she knows what it means to suffer. But out of the depths of her suffering, she has come to understand love. And her guarded heart waits for the one who understands it too.
No, there may be nothing simple about loving the girl with the guarded heart.
But every day you choose to love her, she’ll prove to you why she’s worth it.

Written by Kathy Parker.

(With permission)

Please check out Kathy’s blog at : https://kathyparker.com.au/

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  1. “For even the sky knows without darkness, the stars cannot adorn us with their light.” How beautifully said. Thank you Kathy Parker for this literary piece 💕

  2. How beautiful is this knowing ~ understanding ~ writing. It is truly from the heart ~ a heart that has obviously experienced the scarring this piece speaks of.
    Thank you ~ I’m saving this one ~ it really is my story that you have just written.

  3. What a wonderful post and comment of you missing you.She is worth your love and I´m sure this can be a wonderful partnership.There is just one problem and this can distroy everything even if the feelings are so true and honest on both sides. How to find the way through the dark? How to meet and start a tender and considerate partnership. How to find the way through words to reality??? Words can be powerful of course, they can feed the fire burning. But words can mean everything, they can bemuse, misdirect and missunderstood. What means for example “I´m letting go”…for one person this is the end, because he will loose his love, for another person this could be the most beautiful message, because he knows, that she will comr to him. Ther are alsways two sides of words even if we know, love is a good word it can be a bad word for the person who loose his partner because of a new love. Words, poesie, music, pictures, art in general bring your heart in fire, but you need the proof in real life you want to step over all these worlds to a reality of live even is your dreams in your head are so sweet and beautiful. Yes this woman needs time, she needs a slow go. I understand this…so you go just on, the way you can go on, because you are also only human….you also have your problems and you also get hurted by words and actions…you get insecure, you ask yourself if you are really wanted.

    1. Thank you m for your valuable opinion. I would like to correct you that I’m a woman and the person I love is a man. Also, in terms of developing a relationship I do believe that an open and honest conversation is essential and can clear any misunderstandings between one another. Relationships are about working together to build a bond and not just on an emotional/romantic level. Relationships can only happen if both sides consent to it. I agree with you that words can be misunderstood because the level of consciousness varies from person to person due to personal experiences that can affect one’s reality/perception. But those simple misunderstandings can be cleared up through communication. As far as reality and illusion goes I know I’m not making this connection up in my mind as I have validation from the person. But love is love regardless of whether one comes together or not.

  4. beautifully written. i’d like to add that there are also men with guarded hearts. when i met my second husband, we had both been cheated on, controlled,and humiliated by our previous spouses. we almost didn’t marry, and there were times when the new marriage was hurtful for both of us. but, as the years went by, we grew to understand and cherish the person we had chosen to share our lives with.

    it’s so true, that loving a person with a guarded heart may sometimes take a lot of understanding and effort, but i think we healed each other, at least as much as we were able to heal. my husband died three years ago, but i will never regret for one second, that i gave my heart to that sweet, generous, wounded man.

  5. Thank you missing you for your honest words. I did not think about you being a man or woman…I usually do not think about gender if the name is not showing. Well you opened my eyes in some very important things and although this is not a very nice feeling for me, I want to thank you. In fact I have nothing only my imagination an not even one open communication about a relationship…very poor. I wish you all more luck than me.

    1. I’m sorry commenter m if my response has affected you in a negative light. I wish only happiness for everyone here. There must be a reason you have these feelings towards your love. If there wasn’t some sort of connection you wouldn’t have this desire within you to come together with this individual. From what you have just shared with me there is still hope. Please take this opportunity to communicate with your love about how you feel. You will only know how they truly feel once you finally have this heart to heart conversation with them. Stay positive my friend 🙂

  6. I don’t ever recall reading something so beautiful, profound and absolute truth. You have spoken the words of my soul where I couldn’t articulate the depth of my pain. Knowing this is a path to healing. My heartfelt appreciation for using your voice that strengthened my understanding why I couldn’t be in an intimate relationship. I simply was protecting my heart. Well said Kathy Parker

  7. This is also much like me. I have been hurt more times than I care to remember, in this past relationship. But when I give my heart I give all of it, that’s why I hurt so deeply. But my soul stays away, because it is all that is me. I hope to remain alone for a time, until my soul meets another soul that just recognizes that I am the one, and it is soft and gentle and there is no question that we belong together.

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