It All Makes Sense Now; You Never Loved Me.
For the longest time, I thought it was all in my head. I thought I was seeing things that weren’t really there, that I was constantly making something out of nothing. All that time, I blamed myself for everything. All of the problems we had, you successfully convinced me were all of my own making.
I was a shell of a person. You nearly drove me crazy.
But now, everything is very clear to me. I see now how little our relationship mattered to you. How little you really cared about me. I realize now that no matter how much you claimed to listen, you never really heard me.
You never made me feel important. You never made me feel loved. You never made me feel special.
I was never a priority for you. I was only ever an option, one of many ways you could be spending an evening. You only ever used me to pass the time and satisfy yourself.
It hurts. I was nothing to you, but to me you were everything.
You never considered my feelings. You never thought about me beyond how you could use me to make yourself feel good. You never kept me in mind while you flirted with other women or ignored my texts and calls. I don’t know how I was so blind to it all for so long, but now the blindfold is off and I can see your true colors.
I see your selfishness. I see how little conscience you possess when you lie through your teeth without even batting an eyelid. It’s so easy for you that sometimes I wonder if perhaps you believe your own lies. I see your need for control and domination. I see how you felt powerful and successful from being able to make me do what you wanted.
I see you for what you really are. I see now that you never loved me – you were only ever using me.
When I realized that fact, I felt like a fool. At first, I blamed myself, like I did for our whole relationship. I cried and beat myself up and cursed myself for being such a naïve idiot.
But in time, I realized that I wasn’t to blame for any of this. I realized that you were.
It wasn’t my fault that you manipulated me. It wasn’t my fault that I fell for your honeyed words and empty promises. It wasn’t my fault that I believed you when you said that you loved me.
But you didn’t. You were using me. It took me a long time to swallow that hard fact, but now I know that you were simply in my life as a learning experience. You taught me a lot about people. You taught me that you never really know someone, only the version of themselves that they want you to see. So, thanks for that, if for nothing else. At least I know I won’t make the same mistake again.
Written by Maverick, Staff writer at Lessons Learned In Life Inc. ©