If you meet a loner.

Let me tell you this: if you meet a loner, no matter what they tell you, it’s not because they enjoy solitude. It’s because they have tried to blend into the world before, and people continue to disappoint them.

― Jodi Picoult, My Sister’s Keeper.

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  1. so true! I’m tired of putting myself out there for everyone else only to get stepped on everytime….I listen to everyone else’s problems, try to help when needed, give advice when asked, or just be there for them but when I need a listening ear from my friends, they don’t want to hear it..I am supposed to be there for them and listen to them but they don’t want to hear my problems…which I rarely tell anyone! And people wonder why I am a loner…not by choice…it would be nice to have someone watch my back and stand up for me for a change!!

    1. carole, I understand how you feel….. I too was the same for a very long time… always there for my friends but when I felt the need, which was only rarely, it was just too hard or they didnt take it seriously. In saying that, very recently I have found a friend who is willing to listen and be there when I need a good cry or just a shoulder or hug.
      I have never felt so empowered as I do now, knowing that somebody has my back.
      I think there is someone out there for all of us …. its just a matter of finding them…. I truely do hope that you find your special someone soon.

  2. Who you are being is a reflection of the world around you. Sometimes people do disappoint you but if you give up then you won’t experience the bliss of meeting like-minded people and having deep meaningful friendships/conversations. Take a personal development course and work on the areas you feel are weakest. Don’t give up – you are bound to be successful.

  3. I disagree – I’m a bit of a loner because I’m an introvert – I need my alone time to recharge. Sure people disappoint – just as I sometimes disappoint, but people also amaze me with their kindness, love, courage, and generosity – and I hope others see these same qualities in me.

  4. Bullhonkey, solitude is AWESOME! It’s when I feel the most clear headed. It’s when I am intune with my thoughts. I crave peace and quiet. I love alone time. People have a hard time grasping this concept because they don’t know how to be still!

  5. My Higher Power has my back & stands up for me & you …find ’em. be creative & do not give up! at the end of your rope? nothing lasts forever, change is the only constant, the pendulum does swing…even good luck ends…
    love is the answer…

  6. This is true in my case. I became a loner because it was my choice but a few ones that I trust are still around and they do listen to my problems and gives advices just like what I do for them too. But those few trusted ones are not around most of the time. So I become a loner. Not because of some circumstances that disappoints me but because I like it being a loner. Having solitude and in other times being in a crowd is not bad at all.

  7. I’m in the same boat. I’ve tried and I’ve tried only to get used and abused of my kindness and willing to help others at anytime day or night. Now I sit at home alone all the time just thinking that just one good friend would be great but at my age I’m not even sure if they exisit. I’ve always had trouble fitting in this stupid world and having friends that play the game of give and take not just take. These days can’t even get my partner to want to have a conversation with me most of time and makes me feel like I don’t even have a partner. I think I’m just destined to be a LONER!

  8. Yeah, I’ve been get kicked around since I was a wee child. If it wasn’t by psoriasis, it was by my hateful neighbor. Then it was because I’m not smart. Then it was because I was skinny. Then it was because I got pretty, but still dumb. Then it was because of backstabbing highschool girls I thought were friends.
    Then it was because I was naive about boys, who took advantage of me and I got my heart broken continually. Then it was because of untrue gossip. Then it was because of emotionally abusive husbands. Then it was because when I believed I was doing well, I found out I was substandard . Then my beloved sister started hating me and turned my family against me. So at this point, the more people I meet, the more I love my cats.

  9. I can strongly identify with the expressed pride and pain that you all are speaking of. No one need to be nor ever feel alone unless by choice. Bible thumpers will say that God commands that men and women should not be alone…that is “it is not good for man to be alone”. So how do we “loners” overcome our fears which have kept us safe but alone; and avoid the hurts from past disappointments. If God is the powerful creator then why won’t He help us? Aren’t we all not His children? Has anyone ever thought this way? Does anyone have any ideas?

  10. I had to look up the full definition of”substandard” The ones make you feel this way unintentionally or not Stay away.. Jealousy is one word…

    A Loner. I feel starts from childhood. But today,,,people don’t trust anyone. I mean anyone!! It’s sucks too. I don’t lock my phone, computer, not even my house at times. That’s me. People today. Not all, but most folks want you to hurt as they hurt or they don’t want to see you happy. I do not get it! Why,I have no ideal, why most people are this way? That makes you disappointed in life…So, you get dog/cat for companionship. Then you need to watch your dog/cat as some stranger will take your dog and even a cat! You just got to pick your friends and don’t let them pick you. When you find one/ones. Guard them!! Hopefully your friend will be your mate and she/he will not disappoint you.

  11. It’s important to connect to yourself first. God wants us to have confidence. I bet Adam was the most confident guy ever. Eve too. So have faith Gary. A woman will come along and bring the answers. Confidence In a relationship is to strengthen both. So you got to have a foundation to build on.

    I bet you all the tea in China…If Satan approached both Adam and Eve they would tell him to take a hike or might have been their dinner if you like snake meat. With all the confidence they had together.

    A loner in some situations it’s not pride related. They just don’t show or know how to show love. Until that special person comes along.

  12. Being a loner is, for me, a better life. Just when you need that helping hand or listening ear or shoulder to lean on. Family, friend, lover or spouse will turn on you and desert you when you need them the most. I took to living with a Wolf 14 years ago because he is a true friend. Never complains. Listens quietly, comforts and cheers, Always wants the best for me. Now, I live with 5 wolves. We take care of each other and no one can get near enough to take advantage. They are also my excuse for not going anywhere. I like being a loner this way.

  13. I am a loner too. I have friends in the past and even now. I listen to them, share my time, and do every effort to be the best for them. However, when I need them they are nowhere to be found. At present even my spouse left me alone, who chose to be with his parents and siblings instead of solving our marital problem. I trusted and loved him so much and what did I get from him? He betrayed me. He and my in-laws even hid the kids from me.But still I thank the Lord that he gave me some relatives and few selected trustworthy friendS who support me during this darkest hour of my life.

  14. living with wolves…wow what an imaginative ‘solution’ to problem humans…
    but maybe not for all of us…still Rome wasn’t built in a day so you might just be on to something…R&R!

  15. Someone who has decided that “people disappoint them” is incredibly judgemental.
    I have a friend who is great at acceptance of others – much better than me.
    I continue to work on letting go of my judgementalism and move towards acceptance and forgiveness.
    Although I am anti-religion (“Imagine”), there is some great wisdom in religious books.
    The quote “Forgive them for they know no what they do” is a favorite of mine, which I believe
    can help us accept others.
    I believe that most people are doing the best they can with the knowledge, ideas and intelligence that they have.
    By augmenting knowledge, replacing faulty ideas and letting evolution increase human intelligence, each person,
    and as a result, the world, will change for the better.

  16. I just wanted to say I am a parent of a special needs adult.

    Years ago before the internet and all the support groups, I felt like I was all alone in a boat in the middle of the ocean.

    Trying to talk about my situation people would quickly change the subject, then talk about me to others behind my back, making others think badly about me when I just needed to talk to someone.

    I quickly became a loner.

    Then I saw a bumper sticker which read, “God is the only One who really knows and understand everything, you might as well talk to Him first.”

    Which I did and still do.

  17. I desire to thank Lessons Learned In Life for having this website! Your site has helped me. Thank you! Some do not choose to be alone One member mention the “darkest hour” of my life. I know this feeling. I wish I had this feeling back in the day when I left my spouse with this feeling! I never really knew it. Now I do. In my case, it’s too late now. Hopefully, someone is reading this post and this might help save their marriage. Or someone’s life. Picture them in “their” shoes. Not you….. And hopefully you’ll get the picture.

  18. 12 years without friends, a college without any social life, a broken heart, a job without any satisfaction, uncultured & unethical work colleagues, Abusive boss, a degree which can’t help me get any better job than this, a confidence & IQ level too low to be plotted in a graph. All i do is think and talk to my self or my imaginary friends. Mother nature would be so sorry to have me on earth.

  19. I am glad to hear that some others HAVE considered God’s point in all of this. A long time ago I had always enjoyed being the loner until I recognized that it was becoming my very narrow comfort zone. When I realized that I was suffocating in loneliness and needed to break free, my “socializing” muscles were very weak. Painful shyness was a bully that kept me from growing. In my later years my strong “big brother”/ friend is the Holy Spirit who promised to live inside of me when I developed a real relationship with God through His Son, Jesus. I know. I know. At this very moment, right where you sit you are aware of the power in the name of Jesus. What do I mean? What emotion has been evoked in you as soon as you read this. Some will be filled with peace and others will be filled with rage. Now that’s a lot of power. Imagine how much more of His power can be in your life, in your body and in your soul if you too invite Him in. Not in a religion but in an actual relationship with Jesus Christ. I cannot tell you how many people whom I have known who have shared that they are more fulfilled in their being than they have after making friends with Jesus. Jesus said that He will knock at the door and whomever opens the door for Him that He would be with that person. (Revelations) Although Jesus assured His friends that He had to go away from them (to die and then to be resurrected) in order for the Helper to come to them. BTY Jesus was the most misunderstood person in history so when I start to become frustrated by thinking that nobody understands me I realized that I am in pretty good company. Back in Genesis when God looked around and saw that there was not a suitable helper for man after declaring that it was not good for man to be alone God created woman for man. This is not the perfect helper situation as anyone in a marital or relational situation with the opposite sex will testify. I think that Adam named her woman because she was going to bring him many woes. lol. All kidding aside. The Holy Spirit is referred to as the Helper. The Holy Spirit once given a residence inside of you will be your constant advocate and companion. With the blessings of the Holy Spirit my life has changed dramatically and yours will too. Religion is not the answer to peace and happiness. Religion is man’s attempt to reach up to God. That is why religion is fraught with turmoil. Jesus Christ is God’s way of reaching down to us. That is why Christ and His teachings are the perfect way for us whom God created.

  20. People only disappoint you if you expect something from them at the first place. If you don’t expect you can only be pleasantly surprised.

  21. Loners can have other reasons. friends with a gal for many years. Has a problem with alcohol, says she has dealt with a sons death years ago. Not. We have had years of fun but the booze is an issue. Family has tried to tell her, I have Now she has chosen the bottle over me. such a pity, goes on a binge, eats poorly if at all and then goes to work and has to come home because she’s throwing up. Has wet Brain ( memory loss) on simple things,,,,,,

    I can no longer watch her kill her self I care to much, Now a hole in my heart that will take time to heal much time.
    All I can do is wish her well and have the memories……………

  22. Yano says it well. Develop relationships with people but keep your expectations of them very low and you will never be disappointed. Even amongst Christians we expect a lot from others but fail to expect a lot from the Creator of all things. We are egocentric and assume that others will do what we believe we would do in a given situation or treat us as we would treat another. We have high ideals of others as we do ourselves. We both will fail eventually. Strange but we are often quick to forgive another for what they do but will be slow to forgive ourselves for our own mistakes.

  23. other people besides Christians have high ideals & great expectations: there are some very good people here on earth…you be a good person & you will find fellow travelers along a higher path to greater spiritual growth than any “organized” religion presents.

  24. why don’t you start going to ALANON meetings? Many people who just are at the end of their own ropes with ALCOHOLIC friends, relatives, lovers, husbands & wives find help hope and happiness and learn how to deal with the ALCOHOLIC in their lives through these wonderful meetings…contact Alcoholics Anonymous in your area…they are easy to find & eager to help YOU!!! There is even a place for teens who have to deal with alcoholic parents: AL TEEN…you’ll thank me for recommending this…it has helped millions just like you: in the same situation. Believe me!!!

  25. I too was a loner. I try to help people in my age in anyway I can but when the time that I was the one who need help I cant count on them. I tried to be more understanding and giving but in the end I was the one who turns out bad in their eyes. If I got a little reward at work they get jealous easily and wont talk to me like I did something bad or took something belong to them. Im just a human and I get tired also by the atitude they show to me. As I try to be a better person sometimes I wonder if its really worth it to be kind for them to be curel to me. That makes me a loner.

  26. I was rejected at school,at an early age, by my so called classmates,as a result I became a loner its just the way it was. It became a pattern,solitude, rejection,loneliness. It continued, leading to heavy drinking, smoking, I tried to console myself looking for answers none came!
    This continued until I was in my early twenties, one night, almost at the end of my tether, in desperation crying out,I asked Jesus if your real help me!
    I just experienced such a deep, overwhelming love,clean, accepted and forgiven. I met Jesus. Somehow he showed me,my past life, every minute of every day, he was there! Through all the rejection. Through all the loneliness, through all the solitude,he was with me all the time.
    I now have a true friend who,is with me all the time,I`m now in my fifties, he is still there! I now enjoy and embace my solitude, its a place to run to,where I can find peace,rest, joy bust most of all Its the place that I know that Iknow I am so loved.

    1. Dear Alan, I am so blessed to have read your beautiful story on how you found the Lord. Thank you for sharing this. You are loved. God Bless. Brigitte

  27. or,.. society, employers,. family,… continually take advantage, without acknowledging,…. compensating,… or thanking you for your effort,.. it’s easier to withdraw and merely keep the minimal contact,.. just enough to survive and pay your bills,.. or go off the grid completely and live in some remote , remote area,.. anyone know of a really remote, remote, area?,.. because I wanna get there…

  28. Translation: “I would rather greet all people with my own petty ideas of HOW they should be rather than listening to them with reasonable compassion and acceptance, and FIND OUT what they think love is. Even though these ideas of mine were programmed into me during my childhood, I now arrogantly believe them to be my own original creations, while simultaneously expecting others to read my mind and respond ONLY the way I want them to.”

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