I Don’t Just Want a Lover,  I Want a Best Friend, Too.

I Don’t Just Want a Lover,  I Want a Best Friend, Too


So, here’s the thing. It’s lonely being single. It’s hard going to bed each night alone, without someone to hold you close in the cold and the dark, without someone to wake up to each morning.

People are always telling me that I’m too fussy, that the reason I haven’t met the right guy yet is because my standards are too high. ‘Perfection doesn’t exist’, they tell me. They just don’t understand. 

I know that no one’s perfect. I don’t want perfection. What I want is something genuine. What I want is something real

My standards aren’t too high – I just refuse to settle for someone who I don’t really connect with. I don’t want to be with someone who isn’t on the same wavelength as me. Why would I want to make do with someone who only kind of fits the bill when there’s a person out there with whom I could be happy beyond belief?

I look around at the people I know and the relationships they have. They’re nearly all the same. They bicker and fight over tiny, irrelevant things. They don’t have many shared interests. They don’t even seem to particularly like each other, most of the time, let alone have fun together.

Why would I want that? What’s the point in settling for that kind of relationship just to avoid being single? I’d rather be alone than with the wrong person. 

I don’t just want a lover. I don’t just want someone to fill that role in my life. I don’t just want someone who I can take to family events so that I’m not the only single person there. I don’t just want someone who looks the part, or makes the right kind of money, or wears the right clothes and drives a nice car, or someone who I can show off to my friends as some kind of trophy or status symbol. 

‘You’re too picky’, they say. ‘You’ll end up alone’. Well, if that’s what has to happen, then so be it. I’d rather be independent and happy than settle for something fake. 

I don’t want to shackle myself into an empty shell of a relationship, no matter how pretty and perfect it might appear to be on the outside. I want real, true love. I want to be with someone who’s my best friend first and foremost. 

I want to be with someone that’s genuinely fun to be around. Someone who I can talk for hours about anything with. I want someone that makes me laugh. Someone who’s down to earth, who understands me and doesn’t expect me to always have makeup and nice clothes on. Someone who understands that I’m perfect and beautiful just as I am, even when we’re laying in bed on a Sunday morning after a night of getting drunk together and I’m wearing his t-shirt.

I want someone who’s equally happy going out for dinner to a nice restaurant, or for a picnic and cloud gazing in the park, or just sitting around the house enjoying each other’s company. I want someone who will help me pick out clothes when we go shopping. I want someone who will lay in bed with me all day, binge watching Netflix and eating pizza and ice cream.

I want someone I can be my true self with, someone who can be as goofy and stupid and weird as I am. I want to be with someone who I can have inside jokes with. Someone who I can make eye contact with and know what they’re thinking, with no words needing to be said at all.

I want someone with whom love feels natural and authentic and true. I don’t want a roommate that I pretend to be happy with – I want someone with whom the romance is real. Someone who loves me as much as I love them. Someone with whom there’s passion, chemistry, a spark.

I want someone who listens to me, who cares, who understands. I want someone that values and loves me for who I am, who encourages me to be the best version of myself and always believes in and inspires me. I want to be with someone who’s my best friend, my lover, my partner in crime. Someone who I can settle down and start a family full of love and laughter and happiness with. Someone that I can grow old in love with. If that makes me picky, so be it. I’ll hold out for that person forever if I have to. I won’t settle for less.

Is that really so much to ask?

Written by Maverick, Staff writer at Lessons Learned In Life Inc. ©

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  1. It’s almost like you were saying what I’ve been thinking for a long time… I was in a lonely 30+ year marriage, now I’m single and sooo tired of the “I don’t like that, but it’s okay if you do”.. ugh.

  2. I am an older woman, who has tried settling , they can offer me lust not a committed loving spiritual relationship, I cant settle because I deserve the best friend/lover that I can just be my authentic self with. People feel sorry for me because , I have never married, men can be a confirmed bachelor but I am a sad spinster . I am so not, I have a life freedom to enjoy my self, make my own decisions and manage my own finances. I choose to wait for the right person who makes me happy settled and content, if it takes time so be it.

  3. Oh my goodness! This is just like something I wrote a few years ago when someone asked me what I was looking for in a relationship! I am still happily single, still haven’t found that person, maybe one day.
    I was also in an unfulfilling marriage, I should have left earlier than I did, so much happier alone than in the wrong relationship.

  4. Expressions are really delightful.Freedom of thoughts arise from bliss. The state of mind is just the real time joy
    incomparable to anything that puts boundaries. It depends on the person how to live or love without limits, simultaneously
    keeping in mind simply what to do and what not to.These thoughts are not exhaustive.It opens the gateway to new horizon where the mind opens up to share
    the hitherto known ecstasy.

  5. I don’t know why u sent this without properly ascertaining whether u consider my genuine concerns regarding those aspects.

    1. or Sathish, or phd in philosophy, no matter the name, but the entertainment displayed by two people who are out of touch with reality, is the most entertaining show that one could ever ask for without any trouble of going to theaters.

      The word ‘ecstasy’ is alcoholics favorite world and it means nothing in this world. That is why they are the sickest creatures emotionally, mentally, and physically.

  6. I went through hell so I don’t mind sleeping alone. I loved him so much& I was beaten so many times. Living with someone is also very lonely & he was very abusive and torture me first thing in the morning. I don’t know I was human or not. I was not myself self & I lost my self. Thank you God for your strengths.i had to do two jobs but I didn’t mind It just like someone opens the gate & I’m flying like a bird . Life is not easy but thanks you God from the abusive relationship trauma & torture.

  7. I spoke to sunita’s friend who is friends with me.

    About you. And Her.

    And we decided let’s try with honesty to get you both together…

    I am sure she has feelings for you. And you just need to initiate…kindle again…start again as flirty…as before…

    All i know is she will be a good friend n lover…to you. Let’s just end everything for good.

    We Are sure we will get you together again…

    1. Have you heard of Facebook? Do you need someone to help you set up an account so you could discuss your acts of bravery?

  8. But we do not truly know if the person who claims herself as ‘independent and happy’ as being single, is really authentic, herself!

    This person can definitely trap a very week man in her net, and make the most painful and miserable life experience for him.
    But, so be it!

    1. Trap? Week? Good joke

      A man who claims to love her n does not know to be true and honest to her ? keep her waiting for his reply. Is he trapped or weak?

      He thinks he is smart but he is punishing both himself n her.

      He could not once tell her mom that he loves her? Yeah so weak…right?

      If he cannot see her efforts to talk to him. Her love for him. Her heart waiting to talk n see one message from him ..craving to know how he is doing..

      Then yes. She is not good…for him…so be it.

      1. Kim- you should not waste a single second of your life thinking about this sick con artist. He did the same thing to me, instead he thought I was ‘stupid’ not to find out. He was the one who helped me learn the true criminal that he is!

        Karma is always here!

  9. Very much inspiring.I really wonder what’s all this.Destiny is one thing no one has hands upon it. Things take turn accordingly.No clue whatsoever will be found one likes it or not.Till the mist is not cleared everything appears blur.

  10. Well said dear thumbs up
    People tend to rush into relationships there by meeting the wrong person in the end what comes out is divorce
    I would rather be single for awhile and find that best friend
    I’m twenty-five and I’m still searching for the right one

  11. Yep, I do deserve more than just settling for whatever comes along. I am so much better knowing me and what I want and deserve.

  12. Absolutely love this and completely agree, friendship + attraction and desire = an amazing relationship 😊😊 I’m 47 and constantly get judged for being single and apparently being too picky!!

  13. Huh? Wow! I know someone that had that and threw it away for what they thought was a greener pasture. All she needed to do is give him the same thing that he had been providing to her until he hit his rough patch. She had her “bird in the hand” and she had even gone through all the same points you just did with him telling him he was all of those things.Now she has a brown pasture and there were no “two birds in the bush” it was a facade and it cost more to the one person that didn’t have a say in it than anyone else. He’s still bewildered and lost and has been “single” for most of the time since! His green pasture is gone and so is everything else except his authenticity is still there, it’s just tarnished and battered. I know he tried it his words were never heard and his efforts went unnoticed but his shortcomings sure were examined and judge without regard for his owning up and addressing them. It’s the saddest of all stories and probably could have been a book that could have helped many. Instead it was rewritten to be a couple of brochures and a schtick to generate revenue. He’s been waiting in that pasture For someone to reach out to him but I know he’s ready to head out soon.

    1. Why give myself to the one who gives herself to other one? Have you thought of the popular phrase, ‘ abused people tend to abuse others’?
      It is very clear to me that both you and that person have a desperate need for professional help!

  14. My parents not the best, my friends not the best, my siblings not the best. Everyone around me not genuine. Still we all survive and flourish and have experienced the most cherished moments of life together.
    Dont let your brain control you. Let the positive vibes control and influence everyone.

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