Don’t listen.

Don’t listen to those people who suggest you should be “over it” by now. The people who squawk the loudest about such things have almost never had to get over anything. Or at least not anything that was genuinely , soul-crushingly life altering. Some of those people believe they’re being helpful by minimizing your pain. Others are scared of the intensity of your hurt and so they use their words to push your grief away. Many of those people love you and are worthy of your love, but they are not the people who will be helpful to you when it comes to healing the pain.

– Cheryl Strayed

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  1. As a mom whose 14 year old son was killed 2 1/2 years ago I’d like to say thank you for this posting first…perfect timing for me as many of your posts are….Secondly it is so true that saying get over it is not only less than helpful, it’s painful and makes me saddened and angered all at the same time. I know people are mostly well intentioned, and the fact that they say anything at all is kind; however until my son walks back through the front door, I will never “get over it” and I will always feel the gut wrenching pain of his loss. So please, you may think you’re helping or providing some kind of soulful advice that will make me feel better again…but a hug and a smile helps that burden far more than misguided words and we’ll intentioned platitudes.

    1. Dear Sherry, I want to tell you that I am so very sorry for the loss of your son. As a mother, I cannot imagine the depths of your sorrow. I wish I was able to give you a hug. Brigitte.

    2. Dear Sherry, I am so sorry for your loss and your pain. I also lost my son 3 yrs. ago, suddenly and unexpectedly. It is the highest mountain God will ever give us to climb, but I believe he will hold our hand every step of the way. It is not something we “get over”. It changes us forever and we will never be the woman we were before. It is the price we pay for loving. We are stronger,have more compassion, empathy and understanding. I thought I had friends, until my son died. While I was grieving, friends moved on, none called. Just listening is comfort, but most don’t want to hear of our pain, because they don’t know what to say. I find comfort in these beautiful quotes and thank the owner of this site. Sherry, I send a hug and my understanding of your loss.

  2. Brigette,
    Could not have put this into words like you do it’s so true, the darkests paths are walked alone for the most part. People have no right to say move on or get over it you have to have been in similar pathways to understand the feelings of loss, rejection and loneliness. Xx

  3. Everything happens in a natural pace. To intervene is to go against the norms of nature. Even grief too will change its form and intensity in its own due time. That’s the best process of healing. Let it be …let it change as it’s meant to be. Acceptance too becomes easier then.

    Sherry my heart goes out to you. Love your way and prayers for your dear son.

  4. I was hit by something i didn’t even know. One day i woke up and learned that all my life was but a betrayal and a lie. They said forget and choose to be happy. But i chose to grieve and feel the pain.

  5. I totally agree with what is stated. One must learn to deal with what their life offers to them and not compare themselves with others. Always wanting what the other has, will only make you squander in self pity. Learn to walk in your own shoes, and learn to handle your own business.

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