HEY LOVER-TALK TO ME BY DOMINICA APPLEGATE. (Author, Writer, Speaker)
Ever been in a relationship and heard these words: “We need to talk?”
Yuck. Who likes to hear those words?
Well, if the tone reflects “I’m not happy about our relationship and this could be the end”, then no one.
But if the tone reflects “Hey baby, we need to talk. We haven’t really talked lately and I just want to know what’s going on in your life, how you’re really doing, if you’re happy with me and our relationship, etc.”
Yes, now that sounds like delicious talk.
Lack of communication is a big problem in many relationships. Oh, in the beginning it usually is sufficient with all the love talk oozing out of every pore, but over time it can dwindle significantly. It can get down to the:
“Hey there. How was your day?”
“Good. How was yours?”
“Fine. Wanna watch a movie?”
How nice, right? Yes, but a bit shallow night after night.
Take time for real heart to heart talks once in awhile.
Here are some rather good communication tips for you and your love dove to grasp and put into action as soon as possible.
1. Actually have a conversation
This may sound like a no-brainer, but many couples get out of the habit of actually conversing about quality things, so it’s important to make time to actually have a meaningful conversation on a daily basis.
Even if it’s not daily, purpose to make it happen every couple or few days. Turn off the television, computer, and cell phone and TALK. Ask questions, talk about your dreams, goals, the children, vacation ideas, finances, etc. Just do it!
2. Don’t hold back
If you have something to say, just say it. Some people have a hard time communicating in a clear, concise manner, but the more you practice, the easier it will get. People who hold back tend to bottle up their feelings until one day they can’t stuff one more feeling and the lid busts open and well, it’s usually not pleasant!
Little piece of advice here: Be honest and communicate regularly to avoid blowing your top.
If you feel ticked off because your partner has slacked off with helping around the house, say so. (In a nice way, of course.) If she seems cold and distant, just tell her.
For the good sake of your relationship, don’t hold back.
3. Let each other talk
I’m talking mainly to guys right now (or ladies who prefer ladies).
Let her share her feelings.
Just let her share! Many guys can’t take it when their woman starts off saying, “I feel like…..” They go into shut down or instant ticked off mode. See, when they hear their girl share her feelings, they feel like they have to fix it and they don’t know how to fix a lady.
(I mean, right? Who knows how to fix a woman?)
Many times, all you really need to do is let her share. Listen to her. Let her get it all out! Nod your head and acknowledge that you are listening. If you really want to be the best sport, reflect back to her what she just said. “So babe, you’re saying that you feel frustrated because I am being a total lazy bum around the house every evening?” of “So honey, you’re saying that your boss is an asshole and you’re so frustrated with work?”
Now, you could get all mad and start rambling about how you go to work every day and how tired you are when you get home and blah, blah. You could, but that won’t score you points. You know what will? Saying this: “Ok hun. I understand. Maybe I have been a little slack and I will help out more around here. It is a pretty big task to keep this house spic and span for sure. I don’t want you to have to do it all alone. Sorry babe.”
Or how about, “Wow, babe. Your boss sounds like a total loser. So sorry you have to contend with that. Is there anything I can do?”
SCORE! You just scored a 3 pointer baby!
Ladies, this goes for you as well. If your man takes the initiative to share how he gets annoyed because you complain a lot or give him a hard time about his favorite pastime of watching football, reflect back to him his feelings and then really take in what he said. Think about what you can do to help ease his annoyance.
Do you complain a lot? Why can’t he watch football a couple times a week? Why is that such a big deal? (It’s not.) You both want to score. You’re both on the same team. It’s a give and take relationship. Work it out together!
Communication plays a big factor in the quality of relationships. Do your best to take some time on a regular basis and just talk. Go out to dinner, look into each other’s eyes, and talk. Go for a walk in the evening, and talk. Give each other massages, and talk. Put a movie on for the kids, go into the den, and talk. Make amazing, passionate love, and then talk! Take a mini vacation, and talk.
Do what you have to do to keep the communication lines open.
Your relationship is worth it.