A broken heart.

“When you have a broken heart, the first thing a stranger will ask is ‘how long were you two together?’ As if your pain can be determined by how long you were with someone. Or if you were with them at all. I don’t think that’s how it works. I think unrequited love is just as valid as any other kind. It’s just as crushing.


Related Articles


  1. Not really…. If you had a lasting relationship, you lost a valid part of your life. A genuine bond with somebody who understood you, cared for you, and showed up for you daily for a long time. It’s a bereavement – like the death of a loved one. If you had a brief fling or unrequited love, you created a dream for yourself without any foundation, which inevitably came crushing down. You did it to yourself. The pain is no less. YOUR feelings are the same. But the first one is a result of something that happened to you without you particularly inviting it, the second is the result of self destructive behaviour. Both are painful. Both deserve sympathy. But it’s fair enough for someone you talk to to try to find out which category you fall into.

  2. Pain is pain bottom line. Now you want to put it in a category. If that makes you feel better I’m happy for you, but all I know is it hurts.

  3. Of course, I’m sorry to hear that.

    I would think anybody who has your best interest at heart would try to understand the nature (or ‘category’) of your situation mostly because that will make them much better placed to help.

    You can see their question as something hostile or condescending, and depending on the person, it may be…but if someone well meaning and/or someone who cares about you asks this, it is because only by understanding better can they help.

    Your pain today is 100% valid. It made sense for you to make choices that ultimately led to this outcome (or made you open and vulnerable to this outcome).

    But you can make a different choice in future. You don’t need to have this particular pain ever again. You can’t avoid living through it now, and I’m sorry you feel so much pain now. I didn’t intend to judge anyone in this position (and probably there are very few people who have NOT been in a similar position at some point…). I felt that learning not to allow such a situation to arise in future (and especially learning not to create it out of nothing) can save a lot of future pain – which would be a good thing…?

  4. I’ve been in love with a girl for 3 years, we worked together for a year and had talked to each other a few times a week or more often for 2 years. I got to know and love her without ever dating.She’s now got a boyfriend, so I understand how much unrequited love can hurt. I realize it’s my fault, doesn’t hurt less.

  5. I’ve done it too.

    And I still do it in small ways sometimes – even though I’m trying very hard not to.

    But nothing ever comes of it, only pain.

  6. I dont believe anyone asking can help you out of your pain. The only way is to find someone else and be cautious, one slow step at a time.x

Leave a Reply

This site uses Akismet to reduce spam. Learn how your comment data is processed.

Back to top button
%d bloggers like this: