To encourage you to keep going.
To remind you to be strong.

Archive for March, 2018

  • March 31, 2018
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    If my mouth doesn’t say it, my face definitely will.

  • March 31, 2018
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    Don’t worry about the haters… They are just angry because the truth you speak contradicts the lie they live. – Dr. Steve Maraboli

  • March 31, 2018
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    Those Top 37 Things You’ll Regret When You’re Old.

    1. Not traveling when you had the chance.

    Traveling becomes infinitely harder the older you get, especially if you have a family and need to pay the way for three-plus people instead of just yourself.

    2. Not learning another language.

    You’ll kick yourself when you realize you took three years of language in high school and remember none of it.

    3. Staying in a bad relationship.

    No one who ever gets out of a bad relationship looks back without wishing they made the move sooner.

    4. Forgoing sunscreen.

    Wrinkles, moles, and skin cancer can largely be avoided if you protect yourself.

    5. Missing the chance to see your favorite musicians.

    “Nah, dude, I’ll catch Nirvana next time they come through town.” Facepalm.

    6. Being scared to do things.

    Looking back you’ll think, What was I so afraid of?

    7. Failing to make physical fitness a priority.

    Too many of us spend the physical peak of our lives on the couch. When you hit 40, 50, 60, and beyond, you’ll dream of what you could have done.

    8. Letting yourself be defined by gender roles.

    Few things are as sad as an old person saying, “Well, it just wasn’t done back then.”

    9. Not quitting a terrible job.

    Look, you gotta pay the bills. But if you don’t make a plan to improve your situation, you might wake up one day having spent 40 years in hell.

    10. Not trying harder in school.

    It’s not just that your grades play a role in determining where you end up in life. Eventually you’ll realize how neat it was to get to spend all day learning, and wish you’d paid more attention.

    11. Not realizing how beautiful you were.

    Too many of us spend our youth unhappy with the way we look, but the reality is, that’s when we’re our most beautiful.

    12. Being afraid to say “I love you.”

    When you’re old, you won’t care if your love wasn’t returned — only that you made it known how you felt.

    13. Not listening to your parents’ advice.

    You don’t want to hear it when you’re young, but the infuriating truth is that most of what your parents say about life is true.

    14. Spending your youth self-absorbed.

    You’ll be embarrassed about it, frankly.

    15. Caring too much about what other people think.

    In 20 years you won’t give a darn about any of those people you once worried so much about.

    16. Supporting others’ dreams over your own.

    Supporting others is a beautiful thing, but not when it means you never get to shine.

    17. Not moving on fast enough.

    Old people look back at the long periods spent picking themselves off the ground as nothing but wasted time.

    18. Holding grudges, especially with those you love.

    What’s the point of re-living the anger over and over?

    19. Not standing up for yourself.

    Old people don’t take sh*t from anyone. Neither should you.

    20. Not volunteering enough.

    OK, so you probably won’t regret not volunteering Hunger Games style, but nearing the end of one’s life without having helped to make the world a better place is a great source of sadness for many.

    21. Neglecting your teeth.

    Neglecting your teeth.

    Brush. Floss. Get regular checkups. It will all seem so maddeningly easy when you have dentures.

    22. Missing the chance to ask your grandparents questions before they die.

    Most of us realize too late what an awesome resource grandparents are. They can explain everything you’ll ever wonder about where you came from, but only if you ask them in time.

    23. Working too much.

    No one looks back from their deathbed and wishes they spent more time at the office, but they do wish they spent more time with family, friends, and hobbies.

    24. Not learning how to cook one awesome meal.

    Knowing one drool-worthy meal will make all those dinner parties and celebrations that much more special.

    25. Not stopping enough to appreciate the moment.

    Young people are constantly on the go, but stopping to take it all in now and again is a good thing.

    26. Failing to finish what you start.

    Failing to finish what you start.

    “I had big dreams of becoming a nurse. I even signed up for the classes, but then…”

    27. Never mastering one awesome party trick.

    You will go to hundreds, if not thousands, of parties in your life. Wouldn’t it be cool to be the life of them all?

    28. Letting yourself be defined by cultural expectations.

    Letting yourself be defined by cultural expectations.

    Don’t let them tell you, “We don’t do that.”

    29. Refusing to let friendships run their course.

    People grow apart. Clinging to what was, instead of acknowledging that things have changed, can be a source of ongoing agitation and sadness.

    30. Not playing with your kids enough.

    When you’re old, you’ll realize your kid went from wanting to play with you to wanting you out of their room in the blink of an eye.

    31. Never taking a big risk (especially in love).

    Knowing that you took a leap of faith at least once — even if you fell flat on your face — will be a great comfort when you’re old.

    32. Not taking the time to develop contacts and network.

    Networking may seem like a bunch of crap when you’re young, but later on it becomes clear that it’s how so many jobs are won.

    33. Worrying too much.

    As Tom Petty sang, “Most things I worry about never happen anyway.”

    34. Getting caught up in needless drama.

    Who needs it?

    35. Not spending enough time with loved ones.

    Not spending enough time with loved ones.

    Our time with our loved ones is finite. Make it count.

    36. Never performing in front of others.

    This isn’t a regret for everyone, but many elderly people wish they knew — just once — what it was like to stand in front of a crowd and show off their talents.

    37. Not being grateful sooner.

     

    It can be hard to see in the beginning, but eventually it becomes clear that every moment on this earth — from the mundane to the amazing — is a gift that we’re all so incredibly lucky to share.

  • March 31, 2018
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    “On this Easter Sunday, forgive someone. Tell someone you love them. Let your light shine.”

  • March 31, 2018
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    Love is when you look into someone’s eyes and you see their heart.

  • March 30, 2018
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    Don’t let people change the loving and caring person you are. Don’t let anyone get you down. Use the love and goodness inside you to stay strong.~ Brigitte Nicole

  • March 30, 2018
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    People who defend your name when you’re not around are the most loyal friends you could ever get.

  • March 30, 2018
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    Foolish girl,

    You turn away from the world because you believe the mistakes you have made are tattooed all over your body and that is all the world can see; marks of shame you cannot wipe clean no matter how many years you scrub your skin until no more blood can seep from your pores still stained with filth and sin.

    You turn away from the world because you believe you are defined by your past, by the choices you made when there were no other choices; that you are bound to the girl you once were by the invisible ropes still tied around your hands and feet, held in place by words of shame that will never deliver you from their grasp.

    You turn away from the world because you believe you are not deserving to hold your head high and look it in the eye; that you carry a scarlet letter upon your forehead that will blind those who dare to look your way, and you cannot stand to see the way they turn their face from your tainted humanity.

    You forget, foolish girl.

    You forget what you have survived.

    You forget you fought alone against the world when your hands were too small to defeat the weight of it, and so you took it on as your own even though it almost crushed you.

    You forget you were betrayed by those who should have protected you and so you barricaded yourself behind hard edges and sharp corners and promised to never trust or need another again.

    You forget the way love was shown as abuse and abuse was shown as love and the shame you were forced to carry because of the way you longed to be loved even when that looked like abuse.

    You forget you sat alone in a room filled with despair as your hands shook and blood trailed down your wrist and in that moment when you could have chosen death, you chose life.

    You forget you have every reason to be hard, but you choose to remain soft. You have every reason to hate, but you choose to show mercy. You have every reason to cast judgment, but you choose to speak grace. You have every reason to f*ck this world the way it has f*cked you, but you choose to heal it instead.

    You forget you have survived what most people never could.

    Foolish girl, you are not foolish at all.

    You are a warrior.

    You are strength. You are bravery. You are courage. You are hope. You are light. You are truth. You are love. You are survival. You are kindness. You are wisdom. You are redemption. You are transformation. You are revolution.

    And most of all, you are worthy.

    To love, and to be loved.

    You just need to believe it.

    ~ © Kathy Parker ~

    (With permission)

     

    Please check out Kathy’s blog at : https://kathyparker.com.au/

  • March 30, 2018
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    “Psychologist say, once you learn how to be happy you won’t tolerate being around people who make you feel anything less.

  • March 29, 2018
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    Being “raised right” doesn’t mean you don’t drink, party, and smoke. Being raised right is how you treat people, your manners & respect.

  • March 29, 2018
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    Life is not being rich, being popular, being highly educated or being perfect. It is about being real, being humble and being kind.

  • March 29, 2018
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    If you have a special occasion coming up or you simply need to lose weight fast, the Cabbage Soup Diet may be just what you need.

    Ingredients

    ½ head of cabbage, chopped

    1 cup celery, diced

    1 cup white or yellow onion, diced

    1 cup carrots, diced

    1 green bell pepper, diced

    2-3 cloves garlic, minced

    4 cups chicken broth

    14 oz can basil, oregano, garlic diced tomatoes (optional, you can make this soup without tomatoes)

    1 teaspoon oregano

    1 teaspoon basil

    ½ teaspoon red pepper flakes

    few shakes of black pepper

    ½ teaspoon salt (optional)

    Instructions:

    Heat 2 tablespoons of olive oil in a large pot over medium heat.

    Add celery, onions, bell peppers, and carrots.

    Saute until slightly tender.

    Stir in garlic.

    Pour in chicken broth.

    Stir in tomatoes and cabbage.

    Bring to a boil and then reduce heat.

    Cook until cabbage is tender.

    Stir in oregano, basil, red pepper flakes, black pepper and salt (if using)

    Taste broth and adjust seasoning if needed.

     

    If you have a special occasion coming up or you simply need to lose weight fast, the Cabbage Soup Diet may be just what you need.

    Although not suitable for long-term weight loss, the Cabbage Soup Diet is a low-fat, high-fiber diet that will help you get into shape fast before you embark on a more moderate long-term eating plan.

     

    Pros and Cons of the Cabbage Soup Diet

    Pros: You’ll lose weight fast.  Although the diet is only for seven days (and shouldn’t be followed for longer), it provides a great “kick-start” for a more moderate diet.

    Cons: Some people find the soup bland. Others report feeling light-headed, weak, and have suffered from decreased concentration (although I hear that many people think the diet is worth the effort anyway, since they lose so much weight!).

    What the Cabbage Soup Diet is NOT

    The Cabbage Soup Diet is sometimes referred to as the “Mayo Clinic Diet,” the “Sacred Heart Hospital Diet,” and by many other names. Interestingly, this diet is not affiliated with either the Mayo Clinic or the Sacred Heart Hospital system.

     

     

    Six Keys to Success

    1. Follow the diet to the letter!
    2. Drink at least 4 glasses of water per day (or more!).
    3. Remember – it is only seven days long!
    4. Complement the diet with a quality daily multi-vitamin.
    5. Print information from this site and refer to it daily (especially the 7 Day Plan!).
    6. Eat plenty of soup – the more you eat, the more you should lose! Do not try to starve yourself or you’ll probably cheat (this is what we don’t want).

     

  • March 29, 2018
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    Dear God, I know that I’m not perfect, I know sometimes I forget to pray. I know I have questioned my faith, I know sometimes I lose my temper, but thank you for loving me unconditionally and giving me another day to start over again.

  • March 29, 2018
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    Nothing loses my interest faster than someone lying to me.

  • March 29, 2018
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    People ask me, “Why are you singleYoure attractiveintelligent, caring andcreative.” I reply, “I’m over-qualified.”

  • March 28, 2018
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    Secret and lies kill relationships. No matter how careful you are, you will get caught.

  • March 28, 2018
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    “I’m becoming less and less tolerant of toxic people, excess stuff, and all the unnecessary stress. I’m tired. I just want to live surrounded by trees, and books, and happy people. And I don’t think that’s too much to ask.” – Brooke Hampton

  • March 28, 2018
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    Here’s The Kind Of Relationship You Should Wait For.

    Wait for a relationship that is filled with goodness but that is completely imperfect – so that you can understand and experience how much better love is when it’s real and human as opposed to perfect and flawless.

    Wait for a relationship that makes you want more for yourself, because you’re with someone who believes in you so much that they’re never going to let you settle into a comfort zone when they know you could be going so much further. Wait for the person who encourages you and constantly challenges you, without ever making you feel like you’re not good enough or that you’re unworthy of love.

    Wait for a relationship that teaches you how to fight the right way. A relationship that shows you that you don’t have to yell and scream and say hurtful things to protect yourself, but that you also don’t have to bury your feelings and sweep everything under the rug in order to be part of something ‘healthy.’ Wait for the relationship that shows you it’s okay to fight, as long as you do it the right way – meaning you express your feelings and your own pain, but you also willingly listen to the things you might be doing wrong, too.

    Wait for a relationship that makes you calm. The kind of relationship where just having them by your side makes you feel more at peace and more steady.

    Wait for the relationship that makes you think in a different way than you ever have before, but without ever losing sight of yourself and of who you are. Wait for the person who shows you a whole other world without ever trying to force their way of thinking onto you. Wait for the person who teaches you things and wants you to teach them, too.

    Wait for a relationship that makes you care about other stuff less. Not the important stuff – just the stupid stuff that causes you to waste so much energy worrying about nothing. Wait for the relationship that helps you to stop thinking about status and self-importance and image and brand and all those other awful concepts. Wait for the relationship that makes you feel like a thousand pounds have been lifted off your chest as soon as you see how silly most things really are.

    Wait for a relationship that scares you. But only in the sense that it makes you aware of just how big and how fragile your heart can get. Wait for the relationship that shows you that vulnerability can still feel really wonderful, even when it feels scary.

    Wait for the relationship that makes you feel more like yourself than you ever have before. The relationship that brings out pieces of you that you’ve always wanted to come alive, and the person who makes you feel safe enough to just be you. Wait for the relationship that gives you this beautiful gift, and you will never regret a single second.

    Written by Kim Quindlen

    (with permission)

    This article was originally published in thoughtcatalog.com

    Facebook page: https://www.facebook.com/kimberlyquindlen

  • March 28, 2018
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    Some people won’t love you no matter what you do. Some people won’t STOP loving you, no matter what you do. Go where the love is. ~Eleanor Brownn with 2 N’s

  • March 28, 2018
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    Real love is not based on romance, candle light dinners, and walks along the beach. It is based on respect, compromise, care, and trust.

  • March 28, 2018
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    She chooses wisely who she allows in her life, not because she is better than anyone, but because she remembers what happened when she wasn’t careful and allowed just anyone in her circle. A time when she trusted easily and naively believed that most people had the same heart as her. This doesn’t mean she gets it right, that every now and then she isn’t fooled. But it does mean that she can spot the fakers quicker and let the people who are not good for her go without hesitation.

     

  • March 27, 2018
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    I don’t want a perfect relationship. I want someone I can trust and who won’t be cheating on me physically or emotionally. Everyone needs someone who loves them completely and who won’t play games with their heart. Last but not least, I’m a strong believer that when it comes to relationships, remaining faithful is not an option but a priority. Loyalty means the world. – Brigitte Nicole

  • March 27, 2018
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    If they can leave you so easily, they were never really meant for you. Let them go.

  • March 27, 2018
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    Someday someone will love every inch of you – the fading sunset behind your eyes, the moonlight that dances through your hair, the sadness nestled in the creases of your palms. They are going to kiss all the parts you have kept hidden away and tell you how beautiful it all is. Someday someone is going to say, ‘I love all of you, not just the parts that make sense, not just the parts you have shown me. I love the parts of you that I don’t yet understand, the parts that weigh on your shoulders, the parts I only notice when I steal glances at you in silence.’ You will need to believe them, to believe that fairytales were not written for princesses in glass slippers, that they were written for women who have collected all the pieces of a broken heart and can’t stand to put it together again. But most of all, you will need to believe that they were written for you.Someday someone will come to you with a happily ever after promise and slide it over your finger. Someday you’ll realize you are not the lucky one, you are the deserving one. Someday you are going to take someone’s breath away.
    Someday you will realize just how stunning you really are and you will fall to you knees.
    Just like you’ve made me, so many times before.

    -Tyler Kent White

  • March 19, 2018
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    Always tell someone how you feel, because opportunities are lost in the blink of an eye but regrets can last for a lifetime.

  • March 19, 2018
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    Never stop believing in hope because miracles happen everyday.

  • March 18, 2018
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    You’re in a relationship to be happy, to smile, to laugh and to make good memories. Not to constantly be upset, to feel hurt and to cry.

  • March 18, 2018
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    Sometimes things that hurt you most, teach you the greatest lessons of life.

  • March 18, 2018
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    Life is so ironic. It takes sadness to know happiness, noise to appreciate silence, and absence to value presence.

  • March 18, 2018
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    Sometimes the love of your life comes after the mistake of your life.

  • March 18, 2018
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    Never get too attached to anyone unless they also feel the same towards you because one-sided expectations can mentally destroy you.

  • March 18, 2018
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    Don’t feel sad over someone who gave up on you, feel sorry for them because they gave up on someone who would have never given up on them.

  • March 17, 2018
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    People change for two main reasons: Either their minds have been opened or their hearts have been broken. ― Steven Aitchison

  • March 17, 2018
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    If my absence doesn’t affect your life then my presence has no meaning in it.

  • March 17, 2018
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    My goal is not to be better than anyone else, but to be better than I used to be.

    ‘Dr Wayne W. Dyer —

  • March 17, 2018
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    Before you start to judge me, step into my shoes and walk the life I’m living and if you get as far as I am, just maybe you will see how strong I really am.

  • March 17, 2018
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    I didn’t lose youyou lost me. You’ll search for me inside of everyone you’re with and I won’t be found.

  • March 17, 2018
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    It’s not about having the perfect relationship, it’s about finding someone who matches you and will go through everything with you, without giving up.

  • March 16, 2018
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    You can’t be strong all the time. Sometimes you just need to be alone and let your tears out.

  • March 16, 2018
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    A pretty face gets old, a nice body will change. But a good woman will always be a good woman.

  • March 16, 2018
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    Never blame anyone in your Life. Good people give you Happiness. Bad people give you Experience. Worst people give you a Lesson and Best people give you memories.

  • March 16, 2018
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    You are responsible for your own happiness. If you expect others to make you happy, you will always be disappointed.

  • March 16, 2018
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    People usually change for two reasons. It’s either they have learned a lot, or they have been hurt a lot.

  • March 16, 2018
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    I know this will seem a bit crazy, but if you want to know something about me, the best person to ask, is me.

  • March 15, 2018
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    It’s a hard pill to swallow. But the truth is going to heal your heart a lot faster than simply letting it break over and over until you finally face what you knew all along anyway:

    If he wanted to be with you, he would be with you.

    There are a million possible scenarios here. It’s easier when he’s an asshole – selfish, only thinking of himself, using you to make someone else jealous, using you in general, treating you poorly, crushing you thoughtlessly, whatever. But it’s a lot harder when he’s a good guy, and you still have to let him go. When he tells you that you’re an incredible person, but he just doesn’t feel the same way that you do. Or when he really likes you, but doesn’t think you’re the one. Or when he just doesn’t feel as strongly as you do and he wants to be honest. Or when he can’t seem to make up his mind and feels confused, which he doesn’t yet realize just means that he’s afraid of hurting you, that feeling ‘confused’ just a softer way of eventually saying ‘no.’ If he wanted to be with you, he wouldn’t have had to make up his mind in the first place. It would just be an answer that he felt deeply in his gut.

    But regardless, whether he’s a wonderful guy or an asshole or somewhere in between, this is about you, moving on. Because no matter what the situation was, no matter how well he treated you or how much fun you had together or how well you got along, he doesn’t want to be with you. And that’s the truth. And that’s going to be your life raft for the next several weeks or months, no matter how much you don’t want to grab onto it. It is what is going to eventually help you come to peace with the end of your relationship, or the fizzling out of your fling, or the ‘no more talking’ after you guys spent so much time ‘talking.’ It is the truth, and as ugly as it is, it will be the only thing that can help you move on:

    If he wanted to be with you, he would be with you.

    It’s easy to try to soften the blow. He needs time, or he just needs a little space, or he’s just afraid of commitment and I just need to reassure him, or he builds walls and it’s my job to kick through them.

    But think about the way you feel about him. How easy and natural and obvious it feels. How you don’t even need to question whether or not you should be with him, because it just feels right in your veins. How, even if you were scared of committing to someone or getting hurt or opening yourself up, you were still willing to do it, because your heart had already made up your mind. You wanted to be with him, so you were. The decision was simple. It really wasn’t even a decision at all.

    Now can you imagine feeling all those things but choosing not to be with him anyway?

    That’s why your heart is broken. Because he didn’t feel those things. He didn’t feel that same certainty that you did, deep in your bones. And you can’t change that, and you can’t fix yourself, and there’s nothing you did wrong. It’s just the truth. His heart didn’t make the decision for his brain, because his heart is in a different place from yours. And that really, really sucks. And you just have to accept it. And that sucks even more.

    Maybe you’ll get over this in weeks, maybe months. Maybe longer. It will hurt, some days will be horrible and some will be okay. But the smallest of silver linings is this: you can let your heart break once – instead of breaking it a million times by convincing yourself that he’s making a mistake or he probably misses you or you should call him. Love yourself enough to be hard on yourself:

    If he wanted to be with you, he would be with you.

    Written by Kim Quindlen (with permission)

    This article was originally published in thoughtcatalog.com

  • March 15, 2018
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    It wasn’t your fault.

    It wasn’t your fault you weren’t protected from getting hurt when you were younger.

    It wasn’t your fault you weren’t told how much you mattered, how much you were worth.

    It wasn’t your fault you had no voice, that you were powerless and not taught to say no.

    It wasn’t your fault you didn’t know how to draw the line around your heart, mind and body to protect yourself from being hurt by others.

    It wasn’t your fault the people who should have shown you where to draw that line instead made you feel you weren’t important enough to keep safe.

    You grew up with no lines and no boundaries and you didn’t know the difference between love and abuse, and because of that, you allowed others to hurt you, when all you really wanted was for others to love you.

    And that isn’t your fault.

    Let yourself be angry. Let yourself be angry that you were never told how much you were worth. That you never protected yourself because nobody ever protected you. That you allowed people to violate the lines that should have been there but never were because you weren’t told how to put those lines in place.

    Because you weren’t told how important you were, and how much it mattered.

    How much you mattered.

    Let the anger rise within you. Allow yourself to cry tears of rage and grief for all you have lost. For all others have taken from you – not what you have given away – but what others have taken from you, that you can no longer get back.

    Use that anger to fight for yourself in the way you should have been fought for. Use it to reclaim all that has been taken, to reclaim your heart. Let the anger become a fire that rages in your soul and burns away the tarnish that others have left upon you. Let the flames consume you, let them purify you, let them cleanse you and refine you until all that is left is the beauty of who you really are.

    Your worth is great. You were created by the same hands that created the galaxies and the stars and the oceans and the storms and the wind that rages across the four corners of the earth. You were breathed into existence, not by accident, but with purpose, with promise. The entire universe listens just to hear the beating of your heart and the whisper of your breath. You were meant to be here. You were supposed to be here.

    You were wanted here.

    And you are worthy of the kind of love that nurtures your soul and heals your heart. A love that sees your value and worth and believes in you. A love that is strong and kind, loyal and true. A love that brushes the hair from your eyes and kisses your forehead and gives you its jacket when you are cold and holds your hand when you are scared and draws you into its arms and doesn’t let go until it stops hurting. You are worthy of someone whose feet are anchored; who loves you when you radiate with the light of the moon and stars, and loves you even harder when you are cast in the shadow of your own cold sorrow.

    You are worthy of a love that will never, ever hurt you.

    Draw your lines, dear woman, for within these lines lies the truth of all that you are worth.

    And the moment you come to know this truth, is the moment nobody can ever take that away from you again.

    ~ © Kathy Parker ~

    (With permission)

    Please check out Kathy’s blog at : https://kathyparker.com.au/

  • March 15, 2018
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    Why Mothers Cry

    “Why are you crying?” he asked his mom.
    “Because I’m a Mother,” she told him.
    “I don’t understand,” he said.
    His mom just hugged him and said, “You never will..”
    Later the little boy asked his Father why Mother seemed to cry for no reason.
    “All Mothers cry for no reason,” was all his dad could say.
    The little boy grew up and became a man, still wondering why Mothers cry. So he finally put in a call to God and when God got on the phone the man said, “God, why do Mothers cry so easily.”
    God said, “You see son, when I made Mothers, they had to be special. I made their shoulders strong enough to carry the weight of the world, yet gentle enough to give comfort. I gave them an inner strength to endure childbirth and the rejection that many times come from their children.
    “I gave them a hardiness that allows them to keep going when everyone else gives up, and to take care of their families through sickness and fatigue without complaining.
    I gave them the sensitivity to love their children under all circumstances, even when their child has hurt them very badly.
    This same sensitivity helps them to make a child’s boo-boo feel better and helps them share a teenager’s anxieties and fears.
    “I gave them a tear to shed. It’s theirs exclusively to use whenever it’s needed.
    It’s their only weakness.
    It’s a tear for mankind.”

    -Unknown

  • March 15, 2018
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    I do not help my wife.

    A friend came to my house for coffee, we sat and talked about life. At some point in the conversation, I said, “I’m going to wash the dishes and I’ll be right back.”

    He looked at me as if I had told him I was going to build a space rocket. Then he said to me with admiration but a little perplexed: “I’m glad you help your wife, I do not help because when I do, my wife does not praise me. Last week I washed the floor and no thanks.”

    I went back to sit with him and explained that I did not “help” my wife. Actually, my wife does not need help, she needs a partner. I am a partner at home and through that society are divided functions, but it is not a “help” to do household chores.

    I do not help my wife clean the house because I live here too and I need to clean it too.

    I do not help my wife to cook because I also want to eat and I need to cook too.

    I do not help my wife wash the dishes after eating because I also use those dishes.

    I do not help my wife with her children because they are also my children and my job is to be a father.

    I do not help my wife to wash, spread or fold clothes, because the clothes are also mine and my children.

    I am not a help at home, I am part of the house. And as for praising, I asked my friend when it was the last time after his wife finished cleaning the house, washing clothes, changing bed sheets, bathing her children, cooking, organizing, etc. You said thank you

    But a thank you of the type: Wow, sweetheart !!! You are fantastic!!!

    Does that seem absurd to you? Are you looking strange? When you, once in a lifetime, cleaned the floor, you expected in the least, a prize of excellence with great glory … why? You never thought about that, my friend?

    Maybe because for you, the macho culture has shown that everything is her job.

    Perhaps you have been taught that all this must be done without having to move a finger? Then praise her as you wanted to be praised, in the same way, with the same intensity. Give her a hand, behave like a true companion, not as a guest who only comes to eat, sleep, bathe and satisfy needs … Feel at home. In his house.

    The real change of our society begins in our homes, let us teach our sons and daughters the real sense of fellowship! ”

    -unknown

  • March 15, 2018
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    She isn’t the easiest girl to love. She has this bad habit of overthinking. She tends to overreact and she gets a little insecure every once in a while. She’ll be needy for your attention. She wants to literally take up all of your time and she’ll require a lot of reassurance. She isn’t capable of fully trusting you. She doesn’t know when to stop fighting with you even if she’s wrong. She has no problem pushing you away if she feels like you’re close to hurting her. Loving her will stress you out, loving her will make you angry, loving her will break your heart at times, loving her will test you, loving her will challenge you, and loving her will change you. It may get so demanding that you’ll be tempted to walk away, it may get so hard that you’ll think about giving up, and it may get so complicated that you won’t want to deal with her anymore. Loving her means you get to see her at her worst and most vulnerable and that is something that you’ll have to be strong enough to handle because she needs someone who’s patient enough to understand why she is who she is today. It’s not gonna be an easy relationship with her. But if she is in love with you, then she can promise that you’ll be loved with such passion and intensity that you’ll forget what life felt like before she came along because she’ll always be there to put your heart back together after breaking it. Maybe she’s not the best at being loved, but she’s pretty amazing at loving.

    -Unknown Author

  • March 14, 2018
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    When You’re Forcing Love To Stay Alive, It Isn’t Love Anymore.

     

    Sometimes love is ugly, challenging, frustrating, painful – even in the happiest and strongest of relationships. Love takes work. It takes effort. Love is not always light and pretty. It takes the ability to admit when you’re wrong. It takes dedication, it takes loyalty.
    But there is a difference between fighting for something that you know is too good to let go of, and clinging on to something that has already died.
    Often, deep down, we already know when it’s not love anymore. What it is is familiarity, routine, insurance. It’s something we’ve gotten used to. It’s a security blanket. It’s the guarantee that we aren’t alone. Sometimes the death of love is easier to sense, if we’re with someone who directly makes us incredibly unhappy. And sometimes it’s harder to admit to ourselves, because we’re with someone whom we care about deeply, even if we’re no longer in love with them. But no matter the specific circumstances, we try to convince ourselves that the love is still there, because we’re not ready for the alternative.
    And so we grasp onto it, no matter how much our gut resists, because we’d rather cling to something that is dead than willingly step into a world where we are hurt and alone.
    It’s not a fault really, not a flaw. Just human nature. It is in our bones to want to be with other people. To feel instantly comforted from the touch or the assurance of another human being. To feel actual, physical pain when we stretch out in bed and are once again reminded that there is no longer a warm body in the place next to us.
    But we must remember that there is a difference between forcing love and fighting for it. Forcing love – forcing yourself to feel something – is not love at all. It’s a manufactured emotion your body has created as a coping mechanism, a survival instinct. Forcing love means it’s already dead. And when you spend all your time forcing yourself to love someone, you miss the opportunity to fight for the person who really sets your soul on fire. The choice isn’t easy, but at least it’s yours.

    Written by Kim Quindlen

    This article was originally published in thoughtcatalog.com

    Facebook page: https://www.facebook.com/kimberlyquindlen

  • March 14, 2018
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     23 Ways He’s Telling You He Really Likes You

    (That You’re Not Noticing)

     1. He doesn’t get weird when talking about future plans, whether it’s a concert that’s a couple months away, or a wedding he wants to bring you to as his guest.
    2. When he goes up to the bar to get another drink, he gets one for you too without asking, because he pays attention to what you order.
    3. He’s extra attentive when you tell him you’re having a bad day, by sending you encouraging texts or offering to come over after work to cheer you up.
    4. He ignores his phone when he’s around you, especially when you’re out to dinner together.
    5. When you guys hang out, he’ll occasionally show up with your favorite candy or beer, and you can tell he’s excited to surprise you with it.
    6. He makes it a point to actually make plans with you, by setting a date and a time, instead of throwing out a vague “we should hang out soon” kind of suggestion.
    7. He’s cooked for you, even if he’s barely capable of cooking.
    8. He doesn’t mind blowing off his friends once in a while when you ask him to hang out last-minute.
    9. You sometimes catch him looking at you when he thinks you’re not paying attention.
    10. He asks you a lot of questions about your life and the people in it, as if he really wants to know a lot more about you.
    11. He asks you a lot about your job and wants to understand exactly what it is that you do and whether or not you’re happy with it.
    12. …and when you’re answering his questions, he’s looking at you in the eye and listening intently instead of looking away or glancing at his phone.
    13. He talks about his family as if you’ll eventually meet them.
    14. He makes a point to introduce you to his friends.
    15. …and when he does, you can tell his friends are genuinely interested in meeting you and getting to know you, which means he’s probably talked about you a lot.
    16. He can’t help but laugh when he hears you laugh.
    17. He remembers little things about you that you’ve only mentioned once or twice in passing, like a sport you played as a kid or your aunt’s name.
    18. He goes out of his way to see you or meet up with you.
    19. …even if you’re on the other side of town.
    20. He sends you texts throughout the day, and it’s often something random or pointless, because he just wants an excuse to talk to you.
    21. He remembers your friends’ names and different things you tell him about them.
    22. He tries to get along with and get to know the guys that you’re good friends with, instead of being jealous or threatened by them.
    23. He smiles around you. Pay attention to this one, because even if it seems obvious, it’s not. He’ll have a certain irrepressible, contagious grin on his face, simply because he’s with you.

     

     Written by Kim Quindlen (with permission)
    This article was originally published in thoughtcatalog.com
  • March 14, 2018
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    There is nothing simple about loving the girl with the guarded heart.

     

    She is not convinced by flowers and fancy dinners, nor won over by compliments and praise. In the beginning she is a slow dance, one step toward you, another step back, as she learns to trust the ways of your heart and the strength of your arms. The dance may be slow but it cannot be rushed, for she will sense the impatience of your steps and the way they fall out of time with hers. Dance with her. Follow the measure of her steps and in time, she will soon look to follow yours.
    She will not show you her heart all at once, instead offer you a little at a time, unhurried and watchful of the way you hold each fragile piece. She longs for you to understand how much it takes her to show you these pieces; for you to trace your fingers over the scars left behind from others, to feel the whisper of your breath against her neck as you promise to hold her heart with more care than those who came before. There are parts of her heart that remain unreachable, parts she has buried under layers she will never reveal. Love these parts of her, the parts unseen, the shadows of her soul. For even the sky knows without darkness, the stars cannot adorn us with their light.
    She will watch you closer than you realise, listen to every word you speak and weigh it against every action, searching for inconsistencies, seeking the truth of your word and the intention of your heart. Not because she can’t trust you, but because she is cautious, alert, wary; the stories of her past still etched upon her mind. She isn’t ready to trust her heart with you. Not yet. Not until she knows you are a man of your word, a man of steadfast hands and unchanging ways.
    There is a part of her that will always remain a little detached, ready to run if she thinks her heart will get damaged again. She no longer believes in second chances, having used all of them on those undeserving of such grace. To hurt her means to lose her, for she would sooner be alone than risk losing the life she has fought so damn hard to rebuild with her own wearied hands. She isn’t there because she needs you. She doesn’t need anyone. She’s there because she has chosen you, because she wants you, because she believes you are worth the risk. And all she asks is for you not to prove her wrong in the chance she has taken, for it has cost her more than you know.
    She will need more reassurance than most, she will need you to stay present, available, mindful of her scars. She will think too much, talk too little, cry too often, ask too many questions, struggle to rest in your love. She is complex. Complicated. Perplexing. Sometimes difficult.
    But beyond her guarded heart lies a soul that contains the wonders of the universe. One that longs to live and love with abandon, that desires connection and intimacy and to be in relationship with someone who sees both her beauty and her scars, and knows how to fall in love with both.
    She holds within her a fierce spirit; brave, strong, courageous, unrelenting; yet is also the quiet and the calm, a place to take shelter against the fury of the wind on storm-filled days. She is nurture, she is passion. She is a touch of madness against ordinary skies, a vulnerable heart with a fearless soul, a barefoot warrior who follows no trails but sets her own path.
    She is grounded in her truth, accepting of her flaws, far from perfect but closer to real than most. She is wildflowers and ocean currents and meadows that dance upon the breath of summer winds, uncontained in earthly beauty and free in spiritual grace.
    Broken, she knows what it means to suffer. But out of the depths of her suffering, she has come to understand love. And her guarded heart waits for the one who understands it too.
    No, there may be nothing simple about loving the girl with the guarded heart.
    But every day you choose to love her, she’ll prove to you why she’s worth it.

    Written by Kathy Parker.

    (With permission)

    Please check out Kathy’s blog at : https://kathyparker.com.au/

  • March 14, 2018
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    Don’t hurt anyoneIt only takes few seconds to hurt people you love, and it can take years to heal.

  • March 14, 2018
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    POWERFUL ADVICE FROM A DYING MAN

    via Reddit

    “I am only 34 years old, yet I have actually already chosen my last tie. It’s the one that I will wear on my funeral a few months from now. It may not match my suit, but I think it’s perfect for the occasion.

    The cancer diagnosis came too late to give me at least a tenuous hope for a long life, but I realized that the most important thing about death is to ensure that you leave this world a little better than it was before you existed with your contributions . The way I’ve lived my life so far, my existence or more precisely the loss of it, will not matter because I have lived without doing anything impactful.

    Before, there were so many things that occupied my mind. When I learned how much time I had left, however, it became clear which things are really important. So, I am writing to you for a selfish reason. I want to give meaning to my life by sharing with you what I have realized:

    • Don’t waste your time on work that you don’t enjoy. It is obvious that you cannot succeed in something that you don’t like. Patience, passion, and dedication come easily only when you love what you do.
    • It’s stupid to be afraid of others’ opinions. Fear weakens and paralyzes you. If you let it, it can grow worse and worse every day until there is nothing left of you, but a shell of yourself. Listen to your inner voice and go with it. Some people may call you crazy, but some may even think you‘re a legend.
    • Take control of your life Take full responsibility for the things that happen to you. Limit bad habits and try to lead a healthier life. Find a sport that makes you happy. Most of all, don’t procrastinate. Let your life be shaped by decisions you made, not by the ones you didn’t.
    • Appreciate the people around you Your friends and relatives will always be an infinite source of strength and love. That is why you shouldn’t take them for granted.

    It is difficult for me to fully express my feelings about the importance of these simple realizations, but I hope that you will listen to someone who has experienced how valuable time is.

    I’m not upset because I understand that the last days of my life have become meaningful. I only regret that I will not be able to see a lot of cool stuff that should happen soon like the creation of AI, or Elon Musk’s next awesome project. I also hope that the war in Syria and Ukraine will end soon.

    We care so much about the health and integrity of our body that until death, we don’t notice that the body is nothing more than a box – a parcel for delivering our personality, thoughts, beliefs and intentions to this world. If there is nothing in this box that can change the world, then it doesn’t matter if it disappears. I believe that we all have potential, but it also takes a lot of courage to realize it.

    You can float through a life created by circumstances, missing day after day, hour after hour. Or, you can fight for what you believe in and write the great story of your life. I hope you will make the right choice.

    Leave a mark in this world. Have a meaningful life, whatever definition it has for you. Go towards it. The place we are leaving is a beautiful playground, where everything is possible. Yet, we are not here forever. Our life is a short spark in this beautiful little planet that flies with incredible speed to the endless darkness of the unknown universe. So, enjoy your time here with passion.

    Make it interesting. Make it count!

    Thank you!!

  • March 14, 2018
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    I told you I’d move on. I told you I’d let you go someday. Honestly, it was the hardest thing I’ve ever done but it was worth it. For me, for my heart. You hurt me so bad. You killed my trust, you changed me. I knew I could be strong enough to let you go. I knew it and I did it. I can’t explain how proud I am. Because I’m the only one who knows how much you hurt me. But here I am now, healing. We may love the wrong person, cry for the wrong person, but one thing is sure, mistakes will help us find the right person someday.

    ~Unknown

     

  • March 13, 2018
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    WHEN I CHOSE TO LET YOU GO.

    When I chose to let you go, there was no great moment of triumph.
    There wasn’t an earth-shattering epiphany that changed my life, where music played and the universe conspired to bring everything together for good.

    There was no conflict, no turmoil and no struggle. No internal argument. No weighing of pros and cons. No decision to be analyzed to death—even by me, who cannot make a decision without weeks of obsessive thought over every possible outcome.

    There were only two words, when I chose to let you go:

    No more.

    No more will I measure my worth against your opinion. No more will I be pressed into the shapes you carved for me. No more will I tell my heart to quiet down, ashamed of its clatter. No more will there be blood on my feet from the eggshells I walked on as I tried not to give cause for your disapproval.

    No more will I anguish over the ways you misunderstood me. No more will I fight to justify the intention of my heart. No more will I beg for you to see me, the real me—to know me, to love me.

    No more will I live my life for you.

    When I chose to let you go, there was no holy encounter. The stars did not collapse from the sky and cascade into the oceans. There was no ferocious wind that rattled the walls or blazing fire that consumed all within its destructive path.

    There was only quiet resolution, the silent death of leaves that drift to the ground as frost begins to waste them away.
    And there I found myself, in the barren ground where you once stood; I came to understand there must be winter.

    Winter in all its loss, its grief, its letting go.
    There must be a time for old things to die, that new things may be born.

    When I chose to let you go, it was for me.

    I learned to love myself even when you made me feel I deserved no love. To honor my own needs, my own heart and my own potential. To walk my own path, not yours. To not be pulled back into your confines while my spirit yearned to be free.

    When I chose to let you go, I made coffee, ate toast, and folded clothes. I went to yoga and collected my mail and paid my bills. There was nothing out of place on the outside of my ordinary life—no visible change, nothing new or different.

    There was only surrender.

    One moment.

    One breath.

    I chose to let you go.

    And in doing so, I chose me.

    By Kathy Parker
    (with permission)

    Please check out Kathy’s blog at : https://kathyparker.com.au/

  • March 13, 2018
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    Morning sun radiates its warmth into my skin.

    There is only me in this place where gentle waves caress my feet and golden sand stretches for miles, untouched in soft light and daybreak silence.

    Once, I would have revelled in a moment like this. My hopeful blue eyes would have taken in every remnant of the scene before me, my heart unable to do anything more than burst wide open at the delight of it all.

    But today, I am unmoved by beauty. Just as I was yesterday. As I have been every day for longer than I care to remember. Where beauty would have once soaked into my bones and renewed my soul, it no longer reaches me.

    I am untouchable.

    This is the aftermath of trauma; the way it has changed me, broken me.
    My life now exists behind a glass pane. I see the world around me, but it is muted, dulled. Once upon a time I felt too much, I now feel too little, if anything at all. Emotions overwhelm me, I am not able to process them anymore. Behind the glass I am protected from the onslaught of them. I observe them. But I am not ready to feel them. Not yet.

    I try to hear the words my heart used to speak but they elude me. My heart remains silent, as does my mind, both of them worn out from the fight, loyal soldiers who spent too long on the frontline and no longer have the will to persevere. “Courage, dear heart,” I say, but my heart is not ready to listen. It is not ready to trust. It is not ready to once again believe the world is good, people are good. In the absence of its voice, I hear only the faint murmur of disconnected beats. Though not dead, I am anything but alive.

    Disoriented, I find no rest in the spaces my presence once filled. I wonder who this woman is. She is no longer who she used to be, yet does not know what she is supposed to become. I am lost and confused as I wander through this no-man’s land; homesick and in search of a place to find shelter and rest, yet I continue to find only paths lined with thistle and thorns and my soul longs for a place that is not promised to me anyway.

    My heart no longer lies upon my sleeve, I am a patchwork frame, gaping holes roughly sewn with clinical sutures. No longer will I wear my heart for the world to see. No longer will the world destroy it with razor-sharp tongues and cruel-intentioned hands while I am left to pick up the mess though I can barely pick myself up off the floor. I am withdrawn. Insular. I trust no-one, let no-one close, reach out for no-one in the night when the silence becomes so frighteningly loud I cannot stand it.
    I have forgotten how to create, for my creativity was nurtured through beauty. And while beauty no longer touches me, neither can creativity emerge. My page is filled with scrawls and scribbles, useless words with no heart and no meaning, angry lines drawn through even angrier words.

    I am exhausted but never sleep, instead caught in this bitter paradox that only exacerbates my inability to function. I am preoccupied by thoughts that lack clarity, distracted by fears that lack certainty.

    Trauma. The emotional response to an extremely negative event.

    Those around me are uncomfortable with my response. They would rather I just find a way to deal with it, get over it. Mess on the floor makes people nervous. But I refuse to force myself to smile to please a world that likes everything to look pretty.

    Trauma has no rules. We grasp our way through the darkness and reach for whatever we can to steady ourselves. We cannot rush the work of healing. We cannot rush our hearts to find their courage once more.

    For now, life behind the glass pane is where I cannot be touched, hurt, broken. It is where I watch the world with cautious eyes until the day comes when I feel safe once more to exist within it. And on that day, I will step out from behind the glass. The sun will warm my weary limbs and beauty will graze my tentative soul.

    And in that moment, I will know the healing has begun.

     

    Written by Kathy Parker.

    (With permission)

    Please check out Kathy’s blog at : https://kathyparker.com.au/

  • March 13, 2018
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    Settle for the kind of love that’s extraordinary in all of its ordinariness. Find the person who makes you feel excited to spend Saturday doing nothing, as long as you’re doing nothing with them.

    Settle for the kind of love that makes you unbelievably happy to sit there and spend your Sunday night sending work emails, or folding your clothes after pulling them out of the dryer, or chopping up vegetables while you make your meals for the week – as long as they are sitting next to you and keeping you company. Because no matter what you’re doing, no matter how boring the task, it’s still so wonderful if you get to be near them while you do it.

    Settle for the kind of love where you feel like you can just talk to them. Like you don’t have to be funny or clever or entertaining enough to ‘earn’ their attention. You can just talk to them and say the things that are on your mind and admit if you’re stressed about work or that you’re missing your mom – and you won’t worry about boring them or chasing them away with your uneventfulness, because the two of you have formed the kind of bond that strips away all expectations of being interesting and fascinating and cool all the time, and instead just lets you be your damn selves.

    Settle for the kind of love that simultaneously makes you feel accepted for who you are but also makes you want to be a better person.
    Find someone who encourages you and supports you and loves you for you. But also, find someone whom you admire so much and respect so much and like so much that you instinctively just want to be a better person, every day, because you feel safe and supported enough to try for it, even if you fail.

    Find someone who looks at you and sees you. Someone who puts their phone down, not just when you’re upset, but even just when you’re there, in front of them, and they want to show you that you matter more to them than a bunch of things happening inside of a little rectangle that will still be there in five minutes from now. Find someone who looks you in the eye and makes you feel seen and hears you but also listens to you. Find someone who makes you want to do the same for them.

    Settle for the kind of love that is hard, and challenging, and so worth every ounce of effort and sacrifice and joy that you put into it. Settle for the kind of love that is rare in its everyday sense of happiness and contentment, the kind of love that grows out of little, tiny moments of affection and thoughtfulness and tenderness and warmth. Settle for that kind of love, and you won’t be settling for anything.

    Written by Kim Quindlen

    (with permission)

    This article was originally published in thoughtcatalog.com

  • March 13, 2018
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    Don’t feel sad over someone who gave up on you, feel sorry for them because they gave up on someone who would have never given up on them.

  • March 13, 2018
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    Dear Man Who Loves The Woman Who Has Been To Hell and Back,

    Last year I published the article, How To Love A Woman Who Has Been To Hell and Back. This article has since been republished on more websites than I could even tell you. It has been shared hundreds of thousands of times all around the world, and has received millions of views. I can’t tell you how many hundreds of messages I’ve received from women who have thanked me for giving them the words they could never say.

    But in the last while, my inbox has also been filled with messages from men such as you. Men who are trying to love the woman who has been to hell and back, but are struggling. Men who are doing the best they can, but are hurting. Men who are trying to understand more, do better, love harder, but aren’t sure if it’s worth the pain and exhaustion. Men who are confused, unsure, lost, and in need of answers.

    Dear man, the fact that you love your woman so much that you are willing to read an article to understand her more is a truly wonderful thing. That you would message me in the hope of knowing how to love her better is admirable. Men like you are rare, precious, and so appreciated. The world needs more men like you. Men who are strong, brave, resilient, determined, loyal, and willing to love at a high cost because you understand the worth of the woman you hold in your arms. You are a testament to the masculine heart that encompasses both strength and gentleness, fierceness and kindness. Hearts like yours are worthy of respect, and I give thanks that you have chosen to love the woman in your life with such determination, commitment and resolve.

    I understand how hard it is to love a woman who has been to hell and back.

    Because the thing is, this woman carries in her heart a lifetime of pain that you didn’t cause. You didn’t inflict this pain on her. You didn’t hurt her. You didn’t damage her heart. You aren’t the reason she cannot fully love or trust.

    But you are the one she pushes away. You are the one who tries to get close to her, to love her, but fails. You are the one she won’t turn to when she’s in pain, the one she won’t talk to when she feels alone, the one she won’t draw near to when she needs someone the most.

    You are the one she hurts, because she is hurting.

    And you don’t deserve that.

    I know what that does to your heart. I know of the times you are so damn frustrated at not knowing what to do. I know you feel like no matter how much you love her, it will never be enough. I know you are exhausted at times, and are not sure how much more you can take of this storm. I know you feel confused and sometimes none of it makes sense and you lay awake at night and wonder if it’s worth it.

    But the thing is, you’re still there.

    You’re still there because something tells you this is worth it.

    It’s difficult for me to tell you how to best love the woman who has been to hell and back. No situation is ever the same, and I have not the mind and heart of a man in your shoes.

    But this is what I can tell you.

    My original article was not written to condone abuse of any kind. Our society is vocal when it comes to domestic violence where women are the victims, but far less vocal to speak of men who are abused by women. It’s real, and it happens, and I understand how my article may have been interpreted in this respect and how that may have confused and upset you. But abuse is never okay, no matter from a man to a woman, or a woman to a man.

    There is a difference between a woman who is hurting and inadvertently hurts others as she works through her pain, and a woman who justifies hurting others because she has been hurt, so that makes it okay. There is a difference between a woman who is willing to acknowledge that she has hurt others, who seeks forgiveness and redemption, and who strives to do better, and a woman who plays the victim card, blames others, and does not seek to change her ways but expects others to be her punching bag. There is a difference between a woman who struggles to love but does her best to give all she can to the relationship, and one who merely expects, takes, and gives nothing in return.

    I know sometimes the lines can seem blurred, and because of this you struggle to know whether to stay or leave. But you are not obligated or responsible to stay there in the face of abuse. You must still, always, protect your heart. The woman who has been to hell and back needs to be responsible for her own healing. It’s not an easy journey, nor a fast one. There are many hard days, many times she will get stuck and not know the way forward. But the important thing to consider is that she is trying – for herself, for you, for your relationship.

    No-one can tell you whether to stay or leave, only you can determine what you see in her heart, whether you see growth and change and promise, or whether you merely feel like her doormat. To love a woman who has been to hell and back is not easy. But it should never mean abuse, lack of respect, lack of boundaries, or that you become a scapegoat for someone who is unwilling to heal. This is something you must be able to understand the difference between in order to answer the question of whether you should stay or leave.

    I can tell you that you are not responsible for fixing her, nor does she want you to. Men are fixers, and I understand it’s in your nature to want to make this better; make her better. But this is her journey. This is her pain. Her healing will not be pretty. At times she will be the hurricane and you will need to be the storm shelter – let her rage, let her anger and her fury and her pain unleash from her heart, let the weight of the trauma she has stored in her body for so many years come undone. Don’t fight it, don’t stop it, don’t fix it. Just be that safe place for her to come home to when the storm ends and the tears begin. You cannot fix her, you can only love her.

    I can tell you the woman who has been to hell and back has a story written on her heart. A story which says everyone who should have protected her, didn’t. Everyone she trusted, hurt her. Everyone she loved, left her. She waits for you to continue the story, to be the next person to reject her, abandon her, hurt her. She expects it. She thinks it’s only a matter of time. And this is why she pushes you away, hurts you, leaves you, when you have only ever loved her. She doesn’t believe she is worthy of a love like yours, and believes it’s only a matter of time until you realise this too.

    You asked me what it means to love harder.

    It means you will need to be better than anyone else at love. It means you will need to love with more strength, more patience, more grace, more determination, more understanding, more perseverance. It means you will need to love her more than anyone else has before or will again. It means you will need to love her until she understands what love is, and believes in a love she’s never known.

    It means you will need to love her hard enough to be the one to re-write the story on her heart.

    But dear man, you wouldn’t be reading this if you weren’t everything she needs, and didn’t have everything it takes, to love the woman who has been to hell and back.

    Author: Kathy Parker

    (With permission)

    Please check out Kathy’s blog at : https://kathyparker.com.au/

  • March 13, 2018
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    2

    She isn’t the easiest girl to love. She has this bad habit of overthinking. She tends to overreact and she gets a little insecure every once in a while. She’ll be needy for your attention. She wants to literally take up all of your time and she’ll require a lot of reassurance. She isn’t capable of fully trusting you. She doesn’t know when to stop fighting with you even if she’s wrong. She has no problem pushing you away if she feels like you’re close to hurting her. Loving her will stress you out, loving her will make you angry, loving her will break your heart at times, loving her will test you, loving her will challenge you, and loving her will change you. It may get so demanding that you’ll be tempted to walk away, it may get so hard that you’ll think about giving up, and it may get so complicated that you won’t want to deal with her anymore. Loving her means you get to see her at her worst and most vulnerable and that is something that you’ll have to be strong enough to handle because she needs someone who’s patient enough to understand why she is who she is today. It’s not gonna be an easy relationship with her. But if she is in love with you, then she can promise that you’ll be loved with such passion and intensity that you’ll forget what life felt like before she came along because she’ll always be there to put your heart back together after breaking it. Maybe she’s not the best at being loved, but she’s pretty amazing at loving.

    -Unknown Author

  • March 12, 2018
    3
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    It’s so consuming, isn’t it? Like a dark gas that fills up your entire body and makes you wonder if you’ll ever feel normal again.

    Sometimes it lasts for a day. Sometimes, two. Sometimes it’s a bad month or a bad year. Sometimes it’s because someone broke your heart. Sometimes it’s just because it’s winter and it’s dark all the time. Sometimes it’s because your friend just got promoted at work or experienced an incredible success in one way or another, and you’re still just sitting here, being plain old you, wanting to feel happy for them but instead feeling panicky about how much worse this makes you feel, and then feeling even more awful because what kind of person are you if you can’t even be happy for your friend?

    But whether it’s because of a friend’s success or because of your own broken heart or because you miss the long and warm days of summer or because of no reason at all – and whether it lasts for a day or three days or 246 days, you’re not the first person to feel this way and you won’t be the last.

    I wish I could write you a list. A step-by-step guide of exactly what you need to do to stop feeling unhappy. But I can’t, because that’s not how unhappiness works. There are certainly things you can do to try to brighten your days a little bit – to make your home cozier and to do things that make you feel less alone and to find ways to help you keep your head above water until you can climb out of this hole. But there’s no trick to simply get rid of unhappiness, to wet your fingers and extinguish the flame in an instant.

    But what you can do, in the meantime, is be kind to yourself. And being kind to yourself means a lot of different things. It means being gentle with yourself, and doing everything in your control to keep yourself comfortable and healthy – getting enough sleep, taking time to rest when you need it, going for walks, eating well, leaning on loved ones when things are really hard.

    But being kind to yourself, especially when you’re unhappy, can also mean being hard on yourself.Refusing to let yourself wallow. Getting out of bed and making yourself go to work, no matter how cold or dark it is outside, or how sad you feel internally. Forcing yourself to exercise, even if it’s the last thing you want to do, even if all it means is walking outdoors for twelve minutes. Taking your friends up on their offer to spend time with you, even when all you feel like doing is hiding under the covers and being alone – because you know, deep down, no matter what you feel like doing on the surface, that what you really need is to be in the company of people who love you.

    You have to do these things, these harder things, when you’re unhappy. You have to be strong, you have to take care of yourself. You have to tell yourself you are tough, repeatedly, every single day, even if you don’t believe it. You have to keep moving, you have to keep going.

    The people who got out of these dark times before you weren’t better than you, or stronger than you, or less burdened than you. They felt weak and sad and like they were barely hanging on – just like you. BUT, they kept going.

    You’re not wrong for being unhappy. You’re not a freak or a failure. You’re not lazy or seeking attention. What you are is a person. And when you’re a person, sometimes you experience painful, almost-crippling bouts of unhappiness. Sometimes there is a reason for it, sometimes not.

    But all you need to remember is that you’re human, you’re okay, you’re not wrong for feeling this way. You have to be kind to yourself, you have to be kind enough to be hard on yourself. And most of all, you have to remember you’re not alone, you’re never alone, and this is exactly what connects you to every other person in this world.

    Written by Kim Quindlen

    (with permission)

    This article was originally published in thoughtcatalog.com

  • March 12, 2018
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    When What Comes to Break Us, Actually Saves Us.

     

    You were left so shattered by him; the way he tore in like a hurricane and ripped everything from you –  your heart, your worth, your confidence, your hope.

     

    You wondered how you would piece yourself together again when only broken remains lay your feet. Dazed, you picked them up, examined them, tried to place them side by side and make them fit. But they no longer did. Who you used to be was nowhere to be found in the wreckage he left behind; the only thing left was the grief over everything you had lost, everything he had taken from you, everything you once were and would never be again.

     

    Through tears and regrets your weak hands fumbled in the mess that surrounded you; here and there you would pick up what few pieces you could find and hold them close to your chest until you eventually had enough to rebuild something of the life you once had.

     

    You placed the pieces before you and stared at the chaos, defeated.

     

    But soon, you began to notice the way the haphazard curves of the lines no longer looked amiss, but instead, wild and untamed. The way the colours and patterns came together not in a mess of confusion, but in a mosaic of abstract beauty. The way the cracks and flaws seemed less like weakness, and more like art; profound and perfect in their own right.

     

    Filled with hope, you continued to dig through the remains, only using the best pieces to rebuild with; the pieces that were strong and resilient and beautiful and brave. Pieces you had once loved, but that had been lost and discarded by his careless hands.

     

    Most importantly, pieces that carried no remnant of him.

     

    You built until you were whole again; stronger than you had ever been, put back together with courage and resilience and worth and strength and the wisdom of one who has survived the storm.

     

    From the brokenness came something new.

     

    This is what we learn from those who break us.

     

    That after the destruction, there is always the transformation.

     

    And one day, my love, you will come to understand the beauty of a hurricane.

     

    That sometimes what comes to break us, is actually what saves us.

     

    Written by Kathy Parker

    ( with permission)

    Find out more about Kathy at her blog: https://kathyparker.com.au/

  • March 12, 2018
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    3
    This is What You Need to Remember When They Choose Not to Forgive You.

    There are times we hurt others. Whether purposefully or inadvertently, it makes little difference. We have still damaged another through our own actions, and so we seek to make that right. It hurts us to know we have hurt another; we ask forgiveness and seek restoration in the hope to receive grace from those we have wronged.

     

    We hope for the best outcome. We hope for what we perceive as fair.

     

    Sometimes though, we don’t receive forgiveness, no matter how sorry we are. No matter how much we try and make it right. And it’s hard to accept, it’s hard to let go of the injustice we feel at not being granted the forgiveness we had so hoped for.

     

    But this is what we need to remember.

     

    Their forgiveness isn’t your responsibility.

     

    Your responsibility is this: To admit your mistakes. To own your actions. To seek forgiveness. To make right the things you can. To let go of the things you can’t. To learn, to grow, to recognise behaviours in you that have hurt others and change them. To mindfully choose to be a better person, and take necessary action required for that to happen.

     

    But their forgiveness isn’t your responsibility.

     

    We don’t get to control the way others think of us or what they choose to believe about us. We can stand before them with our heart in our hands and ask them to see it – to see us – for who we are and not for what we’ve done. But we can’t make someone forgive us who is determined to only believe the worst of us. Who is determined to hold tight to their judgement, their bitterness, their animosity.

     

    This is a hard lesson for people like us to learn.

     

    People like us, who believe in forgiveness. Who give second chances. Who understand the human condition, the way we fail and fall. Who choose to believe people are good, and that until we have walked a mile in their shoes, we will never fully understand the choices they have made. Nor the mistakes they have made, and why they have made them.

     

    We are people who believe mercy triumphs over judgement, and we choose to love others with grace and with second chances, understanding the frailty of our own humanity. And it can be hard to accept there are people who don’t live like this, who don’t love like this.

     

    But what matters is these people aren’t our judges, nor are they our jury. We don’t belong in their courtroom.

     

    What they choose to believe about us is their choice, and who we are isn’t dictated by who they try and make us believe we are.

     

    When we have taken responsibility for our actions, when we have owned our wrongs and sought to make them right, when we have asked forgiveness and reached for reconciliation, then we have done all we need to do. We are no longer bound by their unforgiveness but can walk away knowing we are worthy of our own grace, even when they are unwilling to extend theirs.

     

    What others choose to believe of us is not the truth. It is only their opinion. Only their judgement. Only the evidence of their unenlightened heart.

     

    Their forgiveness isn’t your responsibility.

     

    We don’t always get the outcome we hope for.

     

    But when we have done all we can do, it’s no longer our burden to carry. Just because someone isn’t willing to forgive us, it doesn’t make us unforgivable. Unshackled from the chains of their unforgiveness, we can now run free under skies of grace and redemption.

     

    We can now rise strong.

    Written by Kathy Parker

    ( with permission)

    Kathy Parker is a Warrior. Dreamer. Creator. Writer. Fighter of all that is beautiful and good. Advocator for the underdog. Truth-teller. Empath. Passionate soul. Lover of land and ocean. Coffee drinker. Gentle spirit. Sensitive soul. Wild heart. Survivor. She is a freelance writer, blogger for HuffPost Australia, and columnist for elephant journal who is currently writing her first manuscript.

    Married to a farmer in the Limestone Coast of South Australia, she is also a mother to four astonishing children.

    Find out more about Kathy at her blog: https://kathyparker.com.au/

  • March 12, 2018
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    When you have a good heart; You help too much. You trust too much. You give too much. You love too much. And it always seems like you’re the one who gets hurt the most.

  • March 12, 2018
    2
    4

    “Can I tell you a secret? You don’t have to be in a relationship.

    I mean it. I know they force it down your throat until you choke on it. Girls aren’t pretty unless they’re wanted. Boys aren’t men unless they’re having sex with someone. People aren’t lovable until they’re dating someone. But a relationship won’t always make you happy, and as wonderful as romance is, it isn’t the only love that exists. I have seen friendships that are deeper and more pure than couples who swear it’s forever – and yet the friendship is the one people ignore. I have heard so often “nobody loves me” out of the mouths of people who are single. And it kills me because if you ask them: where are your parents, your teachers, your classmates, your pets – they say, yes, okay, but it doesn’t count. Of course it counts, love doesn’t diminish just because someone doesn’t want to have sex with you. In fact, doesn’t it sort of make that love more real that they want nothing – not even a date – out of you? It is pretty to be in love. It’s magical, I’m sure. But it’s also wonderful to stop for ice cream in your prom dress with six other girls. It’s also wonderful to go visit the world with nothing but a bunch of buddies who are really excited about learning. The problem is: we’ve made everything about “the one”. But maybe “the one” is just you, loving yourself, having fun, and being happy. Maybe instead of looking for our other halves, we should be piecing ourselves together.Maybe I wasn’t born unfinished. Maybe I am the one who makes myself better.”
    — Single serving size

     

  • March 12, 2018
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    3

    Fall in love with someone who makes it impossible to love anyone else.

    Fall in love with someone who chooses you just as confidently as you choose them. Commit to the person who lifts you up whenever things get rough, the person who fights to make things work when the reality of life gets difficult and discouraging.

    Fall in love with someone who sees the wars within you and not only chooses to stay, but chooses to stand by your side and help you fight them. Strive to find someone who cradles your dark, who embraces your light, someone who always wants to be your best when you yourself are not your best; someone who reminds you of every strong thing you are whenever you feel feeble.

    Fall in love with someone who does not make you feel like you are hard to love. Give your heart to someone who does not call you weak for feeling so deeply, someone who adores the soft creature you are, and who fights to protect it in a hardened world.

    Fall in love with someone who challenges you, who inspires you to think and feel. Fall in love with someone who ignites a wildness within you; someone who grows your mind just as much as they grow your heart.

    Fall in love with someone who respects you for changing because they understand that it means you’re growing. Dedicate yourself to the person who stands in awe of how you bloom, how you flourish; someone who loves you not only for who you are, but for who you have the potential to be.

    Please, do not ever settle for less. Keep waiting. Keep learning about yourself, keep trying and fighting for the heart within your chest. Keep growing and nourishing your wants, keep discovering your needs. When the time is right, you are going to fall in love with someone who will appreciate everything you stand for, who will compliment you in ways you never imagined. When the time is right, the love you have always been worthy of will flower within your life, and you will finally, finally, understand why you had to wait so long.

    Written by: Bianca Sparacino

    This article was originally published in thoughtcatalog.com

  • March 11, 2018
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    15
    I thought it would be painful, letting you go.

    I thought I would suffer, that my heart would be anguished with the loss of you. Or worse, maybe it would stop beating altogether.

    Maybe without you, I would simply cease to exist.

    I thought I would become adrift, for you had been the anchor I had formed my identity upon, the compass I had relied on for my direction. I thought without you I would become lost, disoriented.

    I had expected to taste salty tears as they fell upon lips that once spoke so fondly of you; that my head would lay on my pillow damp with tears for as many nights as the moon continued to kiss the stars.

    But one day, I just knew.

    I hadn’t expected such a feeling of relief as I cut the ropes that once shackled me to you. One instant of tremendous clarity. One instant, where I finally knew.

    I no longer needed you.

    I no longer needed your opinion of me, your affirmation, your approval.

    I no longer needed your judgments, your criticisms, your condemnations.

    I no longer needed your expectations I could never meet; your hoops too high to jump through, your goal posts that shifted with every changing breeze.

    I no longer needed your blame, your excuses, your justifications.

    I no longer needed your pseudo love, fraught with conditions and attached with strings.

    I thought I needed you. I didn’t.

    I thought it would be hard to let you go. It wasn’t.

    I thought I would miss you. I don’t.

    For in one instant my heart was awakened to the truth of who I am.

    I am more than the lies you made believe about myself. I am more than the look of failure in your eyes when I fell short of your demands. I am more than how worthless you made me feel. I am more than the ways you tried to break me.

    I am a warrior, sculpted by the hands of creation, fashioned into being by the very hands that created the oceans and the stars and the mountains and air.

    I am strong, I am brave, I am wise. I am gentle of spirit with the heart of a lioness.

    I am creative, passionate, sensitive, and kind. I am of open heart and open mind. I am powerful, generous, thoughtful, daring, empathetic, raw, complex, courageous, understanding, forgiving.

    I am everything you are not.

    I will no longer carry the shame you made me suffer under the weight of.

    That shame belongs to you.

    And I will no longer carry my hate for you.

    For that will only ever bind me to your darkness and give you permission to destroy my light. It will allow you to stay within me, to destroy my peace, to blacken my heart with the malice that lives within you.

    It will tie me to your soul-destroying bitterness, your ugliness.

    It will anchor me once more to you, who tried to drown me.

    Instead, I will choose to go into the world and love more fiercely, show more compassion, be more generous, offer more kindness.

    I will choose to forgive. For me, not for you.

    I will choose to sow what I wish to see reaped for my children’s future.

    I will choose to dis-empower hate.

    I will choose freedom.

    I will choose love.

    I will stand firm upon the unshakeable truth of who I am.

    And I will soar to heights you will only ever dream of.

    For I have let you go.

    No longer am I held down by all I allowed you to be in my life.

    I no longer need you.

    I am free.

    Written by Kathy Parker

    ( with permission)

    Kathy Parker is a Warrior. Dreamer. Creator. Writer. Fighter of all that is beautiful and good. Advocator for the underdog. Truth-teller. Empath. Passionate soul. Lover of land and ocean. Coffee drinker. Gentle spirit. Sensitive soul. Wild heart. Survivor. She is a freelance writer, blogger for HuffPost Australia, and columnist for elephant journal who is currently writing her first manuscript.

    Married to a farmer in the Limestone Coast of South Australia, she is also a mother to four astonishing children.

    Find out more about Kathy at her blog: https://kathyparker.com.au/

  • March 11, 2018
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    6

    Love a soft Person.

    Love a soft person. The kind whose heart breaks over puppies and injured children. Someone who cries over sad endings to movies and feels deep joy over happy ones. Someone who kisses your soul instead of your heart because they know that your soul is where you keep your universe and your heart is just one star. The sort of person who is told they are over-sensitive because they have a more fragile, easily wounded heart. (Yet soft people will always find a reason to smile, no matter how unhappy things are.)

    Love a soft person. A human being who always has a kind smile for everyone, even when they do not get a smile back in return. Someone whose heart breaks over the condition of this world. Someone who always has a gentle word for those who have received the worst news they could in that moment. A man or a woman who cannot look at someone suffering and do nothing to help out. (You see, soft people will never stand for injustice in front of them and let it go when someone is hurting or injured.)

    Love a soft person. The ones who are positive, even in the worst of circumstances. Someone whose strength is not in bravado, but in their quiet. Someone who is strong for others because that is what is needed in that moment. Someone who is the moon that soothes instead of the sun that burns. Someone who sees the very best in people even when you think they aren’t worth it. The kind of person who always wants to do the best for those they love. (Because soft people cannot stand the idea of hurting someone that has bestowed upon them their trust.)

    Love a soft person. The kind who looks at someone who is struggling, whether it is to open a door, or have lost their keys and will do everything they can to help out. Someone who would rather suffer themselves than let anyone else down. Someone who tries, not because it is what they have to do, but because they want to do the best by you. A human being that is always willing to communicate and talk things through. (The softest people will always ask twice if you are okay, when you say you are, because they can read moods and understand when you need someone who just listens to you.)

    Protect a soft person. These kind of people are becoming endangered with words like ‘toughen up’ and ‘you’re so naïve’ and ‘they’re going to take advantage of you’. Someone who you can see is trying despite being broken themselves. Someone who is an easy target for ridicule because their heart is softer than most others around. Someone who is quick to apologize and fix things regardless of blame or fault. (Soft people need protection not because they are weak but because they have been broken brutally by those they have trusted with their hearts.)

    Be a soft person. Be a cushion in a world full of rocks and hard places. Be a gentle soul where everyone else is jaded. Be that person. Because people like that are rarer and more precious than the rarest of jewels in this world.

    Written by Nikita Gill

  • March 11, 2018
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    Grandmother says… Carrots, Eggs, or Coffee; “Which are you?”

    A young woman went to her grandmother and told her about her life and how things were so hard for her. She did not know how she was going to make it and wanted to give up. She was tired of fighting and struggling. It seemed as one problem was solved a new one arose.

    Her grandmother took her to the kitchen. She filled three pots with water. In the first, she placed carrots, in the second she placed eggs and the last she placed ground coffee beans. She let them sit and boil without saying a word.

    In about twenty minutes she turned off the burners. She fished the carrots out and placed them in a bowl. She pulled the eggs out and placed them in a bowl. Then she ladled the coffee out and placed it in a bowl. Turning to her granddaughter, she asked, “Tell me what do you see?”

    “Carrots, eggs, and coffee,” she replied.

    She brought her closer and asked her to feel the carrots. She did and noted that they got soft.She then asked her to take an egg and break it.

    After pulling off the shell, she observed the hard-boiled egg.

    Finally, she asked her to sip the coffee. The granddaughter smiled, as she tasted its rich aroma. The granddaughter then asked. “What’s the point,grandmother?”

    Her grandmother explained that each of these objects had faced the same adversity–boiling water–but each reacted differently.

    The carrot went in strong, hard and unrelenting. However after being subjected to the boiling water, it softened and became weak. The egg had been fragile. Its thin outer shell had protected its liquid interior. But, after sitting through the boiling water, its inside became hardened.

    The ground coffee beans were unique, however. After they were in the boiling water they had changed the water.

    “Which are you?” she asked her granddaughter.

    “When adversity knocks on your door, how do you respond? Are you a carrot, an egg, or a coffee bean?”

    Think of this: Which am I?

    Am I the carrot that seems strong, but with pain and adversity, do I wilt and become soft and lose my strength?

    Am I the egg that starts with a malleable heart, but changes with the heat? Did I have a fluid spirit, but after a death, a breakup, a financial hardship or some other trial, have I become hardened and stiff?

    Does my shell look the same, but on the inside am I bitter and tough with a stiff spirit and a hardened heart?

    Or am I like the coffee bean? The bean actually changes the hot water, the very circumstance that brings the pain. When the water gets hot, it releases the fragrance and flavor. If you are like the bean, when things are at their worst, you get better and change the situation around you.

    When the hours are the darkest and trials are their greatest do you elevate to another level?

    ~Author Unknown