To encourage you to keep going.
To remind you to be strong.

Published on March 12, 2018 in Picture Quotes
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This is What You Need to Remember When They Choose Not to Forgive You.

There are times we hurt others. Whether purposefully or inadvertently, it makes little difference. We have still damaged another through our own actions, and so we seek to make that right. It hurts us to know we have hurt another; we ask forgiveness and seek restoration in the hope to receive grace from those we have wronged.

 

We hope for the best outcome. We hope for what we perceive as fair.

 

Sometimes though, we don’t receive forgiveness, no matter how sorry we are. No matter how much we try and make it right. And it’s hard to accept, it’s hard to let go of the injustice we feel at not being granted the forgiveness we had so hoped for.

 

But this is what we need to remember.

 

Their forgiveness isn’t your responsibility.

 

Your responsibility is this: To admit your mistakes. To own your actions. To seek forgiveness. To make right the things you can. To let go of the things you can’t. To learn, to grow, to recognise behaviours in you that have hurt others and change them. To mindfully choose to be a better person, and take necessary action required for that to happen.

 

But their forgiveness isn’t your responsibility.

 

We don’t get to control the way others think of us or what they choose to believe about us. We can stand before them with our heart in our hands and ask them to see it – to see us – for who we are and not for what we’ve done. But we can’t make someone forgive us who is determined to only believe the worst of us. Who is determined to hold tight to their judgement, their bitterness, their animosity.

 

This is a hard lesson for people like us to learn.

 

People like us, who believe in forgiveness. Who give second chances. Who understand the human condition, the way we fail and fall. Who choose to believe people are good, and that until we have walked a mile in their shoes, we will never fully understand the choices they have made. Nor the mistakes they have made, and why they have made them.

 

We are people who believe mercy triumphs over judgement, and we choose to love others with grace and with second chances, understanding the frailty of our own humanity. And it can be hard to accept there are people who don’t live like this, who don’t love like this.

 

But what matters is these people aren’t our judges, nor are they our jury. We don’t belong in their courtroom.

 

What they choose to believe about us is their choice, and who we are isn’t dictated by who they try and make us believe we are.

 

When we have taken responsibility for our actions, when we have owned our wrongs and sought to make them right, when we have asked forgiveness and reached for reconciliation, then we have done all we need to do. We are no longer bound by their unforgiveness but can walk away knowing we are worthy of our own grace, even when they are unwilling to extend theirs.

 

What others choose to believe of us is not the truth. It is only their opinion. Only their judgement. Only the evidence of their unenlightened heart.

 

Their forgiveness isn’t your responsibility.

 

We don’t always get the outcome we hope for.

 

But when we have done all we can do, it’s no longer our burden to carry. Just because someone isn’t willing to forgive us, it doesn’t make us unforgivable. Unshackled from the chains of their unforgiveness, we can now run free under skies of grace and redemption.

 

We can now rise strong.

Written by Kathy Parker

( with permission)

Kathy Parker is a Warrior. Dreamer. Creator. Writer. Fighter of all that is beautiful and good. Advocator for the underdog. Truth-teller. Empath. Passionate soul. Lover of land and ocean. Coffee drinker. Gentle spirit. Sensitive soul. Wild heart. Survivor. She is a freelance writer, blogger for HuffPost Australia, and columnist for elephant journal who is currently writing her first manuscript.

Married to a farmer in the Limestone Coast of South Australia, she is also a mother to four astonishing children.

Find out more about Kathy at her blog: https://kathyparker.com.au/

6 Comments

  1. June F Murray March 12, 2018 Reply

    This is so true. But that being said I still horribly miss the person who won’t forgive but I have accepted it is her decision. I love her dearly and would love to see her and my grandkids but that also is her decision. But I will say again I AM SORRY and I LOVE YOU DEARLY.

  2. REBECCA March 12, 2018 Reply

    This message helps me to put things into better perspective. Thank you Kathy for expressing your thoughts and feelings so adequately on this subject matter! Amen.

  3. Wow Man March 12, 2018 Reply

    It’s hard but what I must do is move on for ourselves health…l learned to never cross the boundaries… I forgive and in that the poem says it all of if mine, trogan memories says it best.

  4. Solange March 12, 2018 Reply

    What I know is there is consequences to every action or attitude we have. Poetry does not vanish the hurt we can sometimes cause to others. We are the only ones that need to deal with the consequences.
    And not receive forgiveness is sure on of them. Be responsible for your actions.

  5. Solange March 12, 2018 Reply

    What I know is there is consequences to every action or attitude we have. Poetry does not vanish the hurt we can sometimes cause to others. We are the only ones that need to deal with the consequences.
    And not receive forgiveness is sure on of them. Be responsible for your actions.

  6. Diana Sandoval March 13, 2018 Reply

    Very thought provoking. It hit me hard since I haven’t forgiven myself for so many things I should not have done in my life . I am working in a job I have grown to hate in the medical field but not doing what I loved to do for 30 years due to fail attempts at passing a certification exam. I am 60 and lost and very overwhelmed with a mom who has demenitia , a wife who has many problems and many financial burdens affecting us . Please advise

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